The Crush

Jace shook his head. “Nathan told me how tough things were after his accident. The way you got him through that and managed to land on your feet is commendable. I’m proud of you for that and for enrolling in school, too.”

“There’s nothing commendable about starting college late.” I chuckled. “But thanks.”

Jace exhaled, seeming frustrated. “Farrah, tell me what to do. Tell me what you need from me. Is it to not come around again? I only agreed to come over today because I thought you weren’t going to be here. I don’t want to upset you.”

There was no simple answer to that question, but telling him to stay away wasn’t right.

“I don’t want you to stop being there for Nathan, even if it’s hard for me to see you. My brother needs you. He needs that friendship back.” I paused, thinking back to Nathan’s accident and how I’d thought I was going to lose him. My voice trembled. “He almost died. And as much as you say you’re proud of me, I’m ten times prouder of him. I’ve forgiven him for what he did to me—to us. And I forgive you for leaving, too, okay? But one thing I can’t do is be the girl I was when you left. She’s gone.”

He looked at me for the longest time as he processed my words.

“Fair enough.” He nodded as he looked down at his shoes. “I understand, Farrah. Thank you for saying you forgive me. That means more to me than you realize.”

When he met my eyes again, the intensity of his stare caused me to look away. “You still don’t know how long you’re staying?” I asked.

“I don’t feel ready to go back. My father is not in a good place mentally. He needs my help. Honestly, anything I’d be going back to in Charlotte is more in shambles than what’s here. And that’s saying a lot.”

I had so many questions about that girlfriend of his—about his life over the past few years. “You said your girlfriend…broke up with you?”

“She thinks I have unfinished business here. She says I won’t be able to move on with my life until I’ve settled it. She chose to give me the freedom to do that.”

That made me anxious. What was left to settle? I needed to get out of this conversation. “I’d better get back,” I said. “I’m going to be late for work.”

“Yeah. Of course. I’ve got to get home and check on Dad anyway.”

We walked back to the house in tense silence. When we stopped in front of Jace’s truck, once again he looked deeply into my eyes. I was terrified that he might try to hug me, and I prayed he didn’t, because I didn’t want to feel all of the emotions I knew being touched by him would elicit.

He kept his distance and simply said, “Have a good night at work.”

“Thanks.”

Turning around, I walked to the house without looking back.

Inside, my brother was still sitting on the couch.

“What was that all about?” he asked.

“Nothing you need to be concerned with. Jace and I haven’t seen much of each other since he’s been back. We needed to talk. He mainly wanted to make sure I was okay with his coming around here to see you.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him it was fine. I’m not going to stop you guys from rebuilding your friendship. I know how much he meant to you at one time, even if you did single-handedly ruin that relationship.”

A look of genuine sadness crossed Nathan’s face. “Listen…I know how much he meant to you, too. And I fucked that up. I’ve told you countless times how sorry I am about the way I reacted. But watching you today, I realized how much Jace being here is affecting you. If it upsets you, I won’t bring him here anymore.”

My muscles tensed. I didn’t like that Nathan had noticed how affected I was—almost as much as I didn’t like the fact that Jace still had an effect on me at all.

“What’s done is done, Nathan. You rebuilding a friendship with him isn’t going to change anything between him and me.” I’m determined to make sure of it.

“Will you at least promise to be honest with me?” he asked. “I don’t want to fuck anything up for you again. Shit, if you told me today that you wanted to pursue something with Jace, I’d be a hell of a lot happier to see you with him than that asshat you’re dating.”

It surprised me to hear him say that. It also made me a little bitter. Actually, a lot bitter. But I wouldn’t acknowledge it.

Instead, I said, “Can you not call Niles an asshat? I realize he’s not always on the mark, and he certainly doesn’t understand what you’re going through, but he got me out of a dark place. No one’s perfect.”