Jace looked and stomped at least five times before regaining control of his body again.
"Oh dear. Well," Grandma touched her hand to her cheek, "I guess he's dead as a doornail now."
Jace stomped again.
Pretty sure Grandma was driving him over the edge. I grabbed his hand and squeezed. At least he stopped stomping.
"Come in, come in!"
Grandma opened the door wide and led us into a small office with a trickling waterfall and two black leather couches. The wall facing the door was a floor-to-ceiling window that looked out onto the ocean. All in all, if this had been my office, my life would be complete.
"Sit," Grandma said sweetly.
Jace released my hand and sat on the leather couch. I waited for him to start rocking back and forth.
He didn't.
I exhaled.
"So," Grandma took a seat opposite us, "tell me about yourselves. Why have you chosen Ocean Breezes Couples' Retreat?"
My mouth dropped open. She was kidding, right?
"You. Put. Us. Here," Jace said in slow curt language.
"Poppycock." Grandma lifted a cup of tea to her lips and chuckled. "I do love that word." With a sigh she took another sip. "Tea?"
I took the tea just so I'd have something to do.
Jace took a long sip and closed his eyes. He was probably trying to find his center, or whatever people called it.
"Is it bedroom trouble?"
Jace spit out his tea all over the table.
"Oh," Grandma's face fell, "how difficult that must be for you, Beth, to have a man who can't…" She cleared her throat then mouthed, perform.
"That's it."
Jace lunged for Grandma, but I mom-armed him and handed him his tea again, much like a mom would hand a kid a ball to keep him distracted.
"Listen, Grandma…" I used my calm voice, which sounded a lot like my pissed-off voice, only not as loud. "You drugged us, brought us here under false pretenses, forced us into a couples' retreat where we have to go to therapy as if we're a real couple, and now this? You, as our therapist? Excuse us if we aren't exactly in a great mood."
Grandma set her tea down and sighed. "Grandma Nadine isn't here at the moment. Hold one second." She reached for her purse and pulled out a leopard scarf then proceeded to wrap it around her neck, put on another application of lipstick, and then popped a cinnamon Tic Tac in her mouth. "Alright, now you may refer to me as Grandma Nadine. I have to separate the two titles for HIPPA privacy issues, you understand."
"Fine. Grandma," I clenched my teeth together, "you said you put your meddling behind you, and you're worse than ever!"
"I see that you're confused." Grandma shook her head. "I apologized for drugging you, brought you here to protect you from the media and give you a vacation, Beth, and used my own money to give you a free stay at one of the US's top ten honeymooning locations. Now, did I leave anything out?"
My mouth snapped shut.
Jace's eyes narrowed.
"Nobody said you had to participate in therapy." Grandma shrugged. "I just thought it would be beneficial. Take it or leave it."
"We'll leave it," Jace answered, standing up.
"Alright, I'll let Dr. Z know that you've refused treatment." Grandma smiled into her tea.