"Jake thinks himself a doctor now." Grandma rolled her eyes.
"Why are you pale?" He reached out and grabbed my wrist and then felt my forehead. "You don't feel hot."
I shrugged. "I don't think I have a fever."
"She puked." Grandma felt the need to add
"I'm fine." I was going to lose my mind if they both kept staring at me like I was in a museum. Just let me be sick and feel sorry for myself, damn it!
"What's wrong with Beth?" Char ran down the stairs.
"She puked," Jake said at the exact same time that Grandma declared, "She's pregnant!"
"What!" we all said in unison while Grandma clapped her hands in glee.
"I'm not! No, I'm not." I started getting hysterical. "It's impossible."
"You've been having the ex." Grandma nodded.
"Grandma stop putting the in front of everything."
Char grabbed her husband's hand. "The Jake is right. It's getting weird. And Beth, do we need to have a little talk on how babies are made?"
"Oh, I have a chart for that!" Grandma held up her hand.
"I burned that chart last week," Jake shot her down.
"But they were color-coded," Grandma said dejectedly. "I spent hours on them."
"Listen," I held up my hands in innocence, "I don't need charts, and I don't need help. I'm not pregnant. I didn't have the sex with Jace, or at least I didn't while in…" My head suddenly started pounding. Would I be that stupid? Would Jace be that stupid? The night of the wedding? Holy crap, holy crap. I reached for something to hold onto and latched onto Jake like a leach. He looked panicked as I gripped the front of his shirt.
"Hello?" Grandma said.
I turned slowly to see her leopard cell phone attached to her ear.
"Yes, Jace."
"No!" I shouted, launching myself at Grandma.
She hung up and chuckled to herself. "Well, that was easy."
The doorbell rang.
Seriously. Was I hallucinating?
Grandma all but skipped to the door and threw it open.
Jace.
I opened my mouth to speak just as Grandma shouted, "Beth's with child!"
"What?" Jace roared, his face turning red. "Who the hell did you let touch you, Beth? I swear I'll kill him. I'll rip him apart with my bare hands! You hear that, bastard? I'm coming for you!"
"I'm not—"
"Aren't you a little late to be playing hero?" Jake said smugly. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"
"I came for my wife."