“Smile and laugh all you want, Jake, but ten years from now, when I’m married with kids and living a happy life, you’re going to be nothing but a lonely bachelor.”
She couldn’t stop the words from coming. It was as if all the hurt inside her bubbled up and finally forced their way out into the open. Jake’s rejection had re-opened so many old wounds, wounds she’d kept packed away for so long.
His smile fell. “Better a bachelor than a bitch.”
The entire wedding party fell silent.
Travis walked up, shoving his hands into his pockets. “So what did we miss?”
Pastor Jim still stood between Char and Jake, his face a deep shade of red. “A blessed union.”
Jake swore and walked off.
Kacey came up alongside Travis; her gaze followed Jake’s disappearing form. “What happened?”
“What always happens with Jake?” Char shrugged. “He’s walking away.”
Chapter Forty-three
He couldn’t drink away his problems, he couldn’t whore them away. It was as if every step he took toward Char, he had to take a step back. Yes, he was still pissed about the fact that she had planned to sell out his family for her job, but the more he thought about it the more he respected her for saying no to her boss.
She needed a job.
Unlike him.
He could waste away the rest of his life and still have more money than he knew what to do with. Char, however, didn’t have a trust fund to fall back on; she didn’t have a multi-million-dollar house she could sell, or her pick of at least ten foreign cars.
The girl had to eat and pay bills, things Jake had never worried about, ever.
He’d had it all planned in his head. He’d joke around with her a bit to break the ice, and then he would apologize for snapping at her the night before.
Except then they’d had to stand in for the damn wedding ceremony and things had become so unbelievably real that he’d started to shake when he held Char’s hands. When he’d said those vows, he wanted to mean them. For the first time in his life he’d wanted the commitment to be real. Damn, but he wanted her to see past the façade he put on and just accept him.
In that moment, when he’d held her hands, when he’d looked into her blue eyes, his heart begged for her to see more than everyone else before. He though if anyone could see past his insecurities, it was Char.
But instead of seeing past it…
She’d exposed him, like a live wire, for the world to see. And for the first time in his life he had nothing he could say to make it better. He’d called her a bitch and walked away; again, he’d walked away. Was that how he was dealing with things now? Walking away and sulking? He didn’t want to be that guy anymore, the one that ignored all of his emotions, stuffed them into the farthest part of his brain and got drunk in order to forget he had them in the first place.
The problem with finally dealing with his pa
st demons was that they’d been a part of him for so long that they’d almost become a comfort, or to him, a crutch.
He still had issues with Kacey’s parents’ deaths—never getting over the fact that they were taken from both him and Kacey. And then never feeling like he could live up to his dad’s strict standards of what a Titus should be. Then finally, his own belief that in the end, he wasn’t capable of loving someone the way they deserved to be loved.
His whole life he’d been afraid of commitment, yet it was only now that he realized he’d been in a relationship for twenty-three years. He was shackled to himself, in a relationship with his own demons. The most important thing in his life had always been to live for the moment, to live for himself. Parents always warned their kids about the dangers of unhealthy relationships with others—so why didn’t they ever warn kids about the dangers of an unhealthy relationship with yourself? With your own damn heart?
Jake walked to the back of the house and out onto the dock that overlooked the river. With a sigh he sat at the edge and watched one of the dinner cruise boats slowly go by.
Life had been so much easier when he was a little kid, when his only worries had been whether his mom was going to wash his basketball uniform on time or if the kids at school would want to play kickball.
Being an adult sucked.
Finally realizing you were a selfish jackass didn’t help either.
“Can I sit down?” Travis asked behind him.
“Sure,” Jake said.