So I crossed to the sofa and sat beside him, keeping a few inches between us so that he wouldn’t feel crowded. I didn’t speak. Neither did he. We simply sat there, our gazes on the rippling pool water.
Feeling a little cold, I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
Dane exhaled a heavy, put-out sigh. “Go inside.”
Oh, he speaks. It was good that he wasn’t slurring. I rested my chin on my knees. “I like it out here.”
Silence fell between us again. A tense loaded silence that rubbed at my nerves.
Endless minutes went by as he took idle swigs of his drink, seeming lost in his own thoughts. Maybe it was the whiskey or simply that he was fully dressed, but the cool evening air didn’t appear to be bothering him at all. I couldn’t claim the same; goosebumps covered my arms and legs.
The breeze rustled the curtain again and swooshed inside. It was like a lash of cold to my bare limbs, and I couldn’t help the little shiver that ran through me.
He let out another of those disgruntled sighs. “Go. Inside.”
I looked at him, but he didn’t meet my gaze. “I’ll go if you go.”
He took another swig of whiskey. “I’m good here.”
“Then so am I.” I expected him to snipe at me. Instead, he rubbed at his temple, looking so tired all of a sudden. My chest squeezed. Before I thought better of it, I straddled his lap and burrowed into his warmth, resting my head on his chest.
He went rigid. “Vienna.”
“I know you’re good at being alone, Dane, but you don’t always have to be.”
He didn’t hold me. Didn’t touch me. He sat very still, tense as a bow. His body language screamed get off me and go, but I didn’t. I stayed snuggled into him like a kitten, hoping he wouldn’t shove me off his lap.
If he was anyone else, I’d have soothingly rubbed his chest. But my instincts told me that Dane wouldn’t respond well to any show of sympathy or comfort right now.
I badly wanted to know what was eating at him, but I didn’t dare ask. The question could wait until tomorrow, when he was back to himself. And he would be—the swift transformation happened every year like magic.
He let out a long breath and placed his hand on my lower back. Such a small thing, but it made me want to smile.
We stayed there like that for a while, saying nothing. Gradually and slowly, the rigidity seeped out of him, muscle by muscle. I wouldn’t go as far as to say he relaxed, but it was no longer like cuddling a rock.
He smoothed his hand up my back and curved it around my nape. “It’s late. You need to go inside.”
I wasn’t about to leave him out here in the cold and the dark. “Only if you’re coming with me.” I could swear I heard his teeth grind.
The hand on my nape delved into my hair, fisted it tight, and snatched my head back. I winced, and his pupils dilated. What’s more, his cock twitched and began to swell.
He snarled, his eyes cold and flinty. “If I go upstairs with you now, I’ll fuck you. Hard. But it wouldn’t be for you, it would be for me. I wouldn’t care whether or not you liked it, whether or not you came, whether or not it hurt you. All I’d care about is making my head go quiet for a while. I don’t want to use you like that. So no, Vienna, I’m not going with you.” He roughly released my hair. “Now go to fucking bed.”
My heart just about broke. He’d avoided me all night because he didn’t want to use or hurt me. And now here he sat, alone in the dark, lost in thoughts that were obviously wrecking him.
It was sad that his instinct when feeling so desolate was to turn to something sexual. Had he ever been hugged? Cuddled? Consoled? I didn’t think so.
If something sexual was the only form of comfort that he’d allow me to give him, I’d go with it. Not by letting him fuck me—he’d be too rough and then he’d regret it tomorrow; he’d be pissed at us both for it. But I could show him comfort in a form he’d accept.
I shuffled off his lap, but I didn’t stand upright. I sank to my knees between his legs.
He stiffened, and his thigh muscles bunched tight. “Vienna.”
I lowered his zipper, fished his cock out of his boxers, and curled my hand around it. Even semi-hard, it was impressive.
I’d licked and sucked it on occasion, but he’d always stopped me at some point, wanting to fuck me.
“Vienna.” It was a warning.
I slanted my head and licked the side of his shaft from base to tip. “You don’t want me to suck you off?”