Once We Were Starlight

He turned, his expression thoughtful, slightly troubled. “I don’t know,” he said. “I used to know things. I used to be sure. Or I thought I was. But now . . .” He seemed unable to decide how to finish that sentence. He leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms again. “Do you know the worst thing about Haziq reading that quote on crime and punishment the night he served Bibi for dinner?”

I grimaced, confused and unprepared for the abrupt change in topic, visions of that awful night slamming into me and freezing my blood. Even thinking about it still hurt. “No,” I managed.

Zakai’s mind was all over the place. His moods had always been mercurial, but ever since we’d found Ahmad’s lifeless body, he shifted between restlessness and anger like the whip-quick sting of a scorpion’s tail. And often, like now, with a bite that was similarly painful.

“The worst part was that he didn’t even get it. He didn’t understand that that reading wasn’t really about crime and punishment at all.” He laughed then and it startled me in its starkness.

“No,” I agreed softly. “It’s about forgiveness and understanding.”

He laughed again and it was just as brutal. “It’s funny, right? Haziq, who is supposedly the most learned man among us, is actually a complete imbecile. Even you understand.”

Even you. Was he merely spewing poison or was his pain revealing the true nature of his thoughts? Did he consider me stupid? Karys is naïve. The words I’d overheard him speaking to Haziq came back to me, causing another spike of doubt. Zakai doubled over, holding his stomach as he laughed. I heard the tears in his laughter and, unbidden, I rushed to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing myself against him. He straightened, grasping me back and burying his face in my hair. “Karys, Karys,” he choked, the laughter in his voice fading, until the repeated sound of my name came only in the cadence of breaths. He clutched at me, kissing my hair, and running his hands over my skin until the tremors I’d felt wracking his body had finally calmed. “I’m so sorry. So sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” I whispered.

“So much. God, so much. I was the reason Ahmad died. I was responsible for Bibi.”

I raised my head, looking up at him. “No, Zakai.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes. After our lessons, after I began grasping the way math worked, I went to see Haziq. I demanded to see his numbers again. He must have been able to tell that that time, I could understand and argue against them. He was suspicious, Karys.” He leaned back, banging his head against the wall. “What an idiot I was. So full of hatred and arrogance that I thought I could outwit him. Instead . . .”

I laid my head against his chest, squeezing him tightly again. “It’s not your fault, Zakai.”

“No? Then whose is it? He’d never have known Ahmad was teaching us. If not for me—"

“It’s Haziq’s fault,” I said. “I only blame Haziq. And,” I said, tears welling in my eyes, “Ahmad was good and wise. He would not have blamed you either.”

I felt him sigh and I sensed that he might argue with me about his blame in the matter, but before he could, footsteps outside our room caught my attention. Startled, I let go of Zakai, turning as one of Haziq’s bodyguards swatted aside the curtain. “Haziq requests you in his office,” he said.

A spark of unease lit inside me. “Both of us?”

“Yes.”

I looked at Zakai but his face was guarded, no longer filled with either laughter or pain. He nodded at me, and we followed the large brawny man across the grass to Haziq’s office where he sat waiting behind his desk.

“Ah. My twins. Enthusiastic performance tonight. The audience members paid handsomely for it. One guest in particular was quite enchanted.” His eyes speared me, the glow of malevolence making them appear glossy. “An offer has come in for you. The American wants you to himself for the night.”

“Like hell! The answer is no!” Zakai yelled, jumping forward.

I gasped a terrified breath. Haziq’s eyes narrowed even as his lips turned up. “It is not up to you. I’ve given you license to choose your own limits.” He paused, his smile growing. “Until now. The American has made me an offer for Karys, one so big I simply cannot refuse. She’s no longer a child. Surely you know that better than anyone.”

Zakai flung his arm out, knocking me off my feet as he pushed me behind his body. I stumbled, grasping him as he shielded me from Haziq.

“She spends time with no man,” he said, his voice a guttural growl. “Whatever the price, double it and add it to our debt. I will die on Sundara. I will live out my days here, but Karys will not be sold.”