The Squad

Roxy

I sat on the bed after he left, trying to get my thoughts together. I realize that I’ve been doing that a lot since coming here, in fact since the night Jason invaded my space. I wonder why these people are going this far? I had tunnel vision coming here. My only interest had been in getting to Cierra, but I hadn’t given much thought to what comes next.

I needed to see her with my own eyes, the woman I’d held in some sort of esteem since learning of her existence. I got up and went into the shower that was attached to the room. This place defies reason. I’d spent the last five years sleeping and living rough; now, here I am quite literally in the lap of luxury. Too bad it doesn’t feel any different here than it had in that abandoned shell of a building. I can’t relax enough to enjoy anything the place has to offer.

I let my mind wander as the hot water ran down over me, reliving my failed attempt at getting under everyone’s skin. I flicked off the water a few minutes later with a frown. Nothing about this makes sense. No matter how I try, I can’t find their angle, but I know better than to trust any of it.

It’s been some time since I’ve trusted anyone enough to let my guard down. And why does his face enter my mind with that thought? A part of me, a part I thought long dead, is weakening towards him in that age-old way of men and women. I won’t deny to myself that I’m attracted to him. That I feel strangely drawn to him in ways, I never have with anyone else.

But what’s the point? I’m way past the point of no return. There’s no way I’d ever fit in here with the rest of these women. I’m sure he feels the tension now too, but how long will it last before he remembers my past? How long before he starts comparing me to the other women? Like his sister?

As I thought of her, I looked down at the designer sundress she’d left on his bed for me to wear. One of the things I know very well is fashion, so I recognized the brand, though I never in a million years would ever have imagined myself wearing something like it. What kind of woman just gives a stranger a five hundred dollar dress to wear, no questions asked?

Their actions and my expectations are confusing the hell out of me. And what was that about earlier? Even if the kids were the ones who interfered, shouldn’t the women have been happy to see the back of me? How can they want someone like me in their midst?

I know all the stigmas that come with the life I’d escaped. I’ve heard enough to know that sometimes even the most well-intentioned among us blame the victim, no matter that the victim was an innocent child when her life was interrupted, and she was dragged into hell. It’s thinking like that that keeps the victim hidden and those who should act at a distance.

I left the bedroom before Jason returned. I needed some time alone to think. The night before, or rather in the early morning when we arrived, once everyone had gone to bed, I’d snuck around down here to get the lay of the land, find the exits to make a quick escape if the need arose, and had found some pretty decent hiding places. I’d become an expert at that as a kid who spent almost every single day of my existence trying to escape the horror that was my life.

I’d barely reached my desired spot and closed the door behind me when I heard movement outside the door and footsteps heading in my direction. I listened to the footsteps growing a little tense since everyone had already gone upstairs or outside, holding my breath as I waited for the door to open. I knew it wasn’t Jason because the tread didn’t sound like his and I’m not even going to look too deep at how or why I already know the sound and pattern of his footfall.

The footsteps went past, headed in the direction of the rooms further down the hall. Curiosity got the better of me, and I eased the door open just to be safe. For all, I know this person could be looking for me now that I’m alone and vulnerable, or so they think. I chastised myself for my distrust when I saw who it was.

“What’re you doing down here, kid?” She almost jumped out of her skin when I addressed her from behind, and no wonder. The hallways are dark and lonely, one of the reasons I chose this spot. And definitely not a place for a kid. My mind started going in a million directions at once, and I was about to question her as to who she was hiding from when she smiled and rubbed her chest the way you would if you’ve been startled.