It’s been at least a month since she mentioned it, but I nod my head. “I remember.”
“Well, he didn’t get the loan. He was convinced he was going to, but…” She shakes her head, her lips thinning regretfully. “It’s harder for him, you know? With his record, with all the time he did, he doesn’t have the kind of credit a man his age usually would, so even though he has this solid business plan and all this fire… it’s not enough. He can’t get it off the ground without money. And honestly, I’m not sure what he’s going to do now, because this isn’t the first loan he’s tried to get. I guess his last application got shot down, too.”
“That sucks.”
“It does suck,” she agrees. “He has worked so hard for this. He went and got all the certifications he needed, he’s been working two jobs and trying to save as much as he can, but he’ll never be able to open the gym if he has to save up for everything. His day job is shitty, none of the good places want to hire him because of his record. It’s just an uphill climb. And it scares me a little, because…”
I frown when she trails off. “Keep going. You can’t start a sentence with ‘it scares me’ and then not finish it.”
I expect her to rush to assure me she doesn’t mean it that way, but she really does look worried. “It makes me nervous, because… His past is sketchy, you know? And I know him, I know his drive, I know he’s a man who accomplishes whatever he sets his mind to. Once he’s committed to something, you can’t get him off it. It’s impossible. He’s a fucking bull charging at a red flag, and right now he’s trying to do everything the right way, but it’s like he’s running on a treadmill. He can’t get anywhere, it’s just roadblock after roadblock. He wants to do things the right way, but I worry about what will happen once he’s exhausted all of his legitimate options. He’s not just going to say, ‘Damn, I guess it’s not going to work out,’ and give up. It’s not in him. And not only that...” She sighs heavily, her mouth forming a pout.
“Stop playing coy with me, missy,” I tell her. “We’re in this conversation now. Out with it.”
She looks over at me, her gaze heavy with dread. “If he can’t get the money doing things the right way, he knows shortcuts. I don’t mean he would go back to the dumb shit he did as a kid, but he met more serious criminals in prison, you know? Bad people. He knows guys in Boston who wouldn’t blink at loaning him the money he needs to open the gym, but that money would be filthy, and it would come with strings, the kind you can’t cut.”
That money tree is sounding pretty damn good right now.
Mom looks over at me. She looks sad, and it makes my stomach hurt. “If he gets sucked back into that world, he won’t get back out. And I can’t go with him,” she says with a miserable little smile. “I like to watch Jason Statham movies; I don’t want to live in one.”
I sigh miserably, brimming with sympathy for the tough spot they’re both in.
I know Ray wants to do things right and live a good life with my mom, but I get what she’s saying. I don’t know him as well as she does, but he’s obviously not a man easily deterred. She dumped him and he didn’t go away. From what she’s saying, it sounds like that’s probably how he attacks every area of his life that means something to him.
“So, other than introducing him to custard, what can we do to help keep him on the straight and narrow?” I ask, hoping to bring a little levity to this grim conversation.
Mom cracks a smile. “Well, I was thinking if the custard alone wasn’t enough to turn things around—a long shot, obviously; what problem can’t custard solve?—maybe moving in together makes sense. That way we’re not spending all of our money on two separate households. It would help him save more money toward the gym, and it would lighten the load for me, too, having someone to split all the bills with. I can help him build his credit so maybe next time he goes to a bank for a loan, they’ll say yes. Most importantly, I think it’ll help because it’ll remind him he’s not tackling life alone anymore, he’s on a team, part of a family. He won’t do anything to put us at risk, but he might be more inclined to do something reckless if he’s on his own. Plus, you know, I have a little more control over things if we live together. I can keep an eye on the situation, head him off at the pass if he gets impatient and starts thinking about doing anything stupid.” She looks over at me. “Don’t tell him I said that.”