After all, why would you ask someone to marry you if you weren’t sure what her answer would be?
I understand it today.
Graduation day.
This year has been full of surprises, rife with twists and turns.
There was a bit of a learning curve when it came to figuring out how to hold onto Riley. Ray had it right when he told me that getting a Bishop woman into a traditional committed relationship is like trying to nail down air. Didn’t stop either one of us from grabbing a hammer and getting to work, but they damn sure don’t make it easy.
That’s all right.
I don’t need Riley to be easy; I only need her to be mine.
She has been, but today might be the last day.
I knew I had until graduation to show her how it could be between us, and I think I have. We’ve made great memories and enjoyed the hell out of each other, I know that.
I’ll always remember waking up with her in Italy with the sun shining in on her through the window of my dad’s estate. The way her cute little freckled nose wrinkled up as she laughed at something her mom said to Ray when we had dinner with them at the winery. I’ll never forget the way Riley lightly sucked on her fingertip after tasting a particularly delicious cube of cheese and her big blue eyes accidentally met mine across the table. The way my fingers dug into her flesh as I hauled her against me in the bedroom afterward, pulling up the fabric of her sundress, needing more than anything to get inside her.
There are a lot of things I’ll never forget.
I’ll never be satisfied with mere memories of Riley, though.
I’m too greedy. I want more of them. I want her future, too. I want to be a part of every memory she ever makes.
She’s the love of my life, and I think I’m hers, too, I’m just worried that might not be enough.
I look down at the blue jewelry box cradled in my hand as I sit on the bridge behind my house and wait for her. She was still taking pictures with her mom and Ray after graduation. Neither of my parents showed up, so once I took pictures with Riley and her family, I left.
I asked her to meet me here after.
She knew why.
She knows she has a decision to make.
She might not know I’m going to propose. I kinda hope she doesn’t, because while she did agree to meet me here after, her eyes weren’t bright with excitement. It was a nervous kind of look, like she knew… it might be the end for us.
My chest tightens. I rub at it absently, looking down into the water.
I should’ve picked a later end date. Given myself more time. Maybe I should’ve told her she had to stay mine through the summer, too.
I fucking hate this feeling, this ache. I’m not afraid of much, but I’m fucking terrified right now.
Riley’s quiet and unassuming if you don’t know her, so she should be able to sneak up on me, but I’m too aware of her. I feel it in the air when she’s near the bridge. I shove the ring box into my pocket so she doesn’t see it.
I don’t stand up and meet her halfway, though. I let her come to me.
She walks over and sits down next to me.
She has finally changed out of her graduation robe. I teased her that she’d probably steal it. She was so happy to be walking around in that big, baggy thing, so proud of the bright yellow stole draped around her neck, proclaiming to the world that she was at the very top of her graduating class.
Valedictorian.
She should be proud. She certainly worked hard enough for it.
I know I’m proud of her nerdy little ass.
“Hey,” she says, dangling her legs over the edge. She’s wearing a blue dress, so her legs are mostly bare.
“Hey,” I say back.
“Why’d you leave?” she asks. “We were still taking pictures.”
“Eh. I usually take a fee for that kind of work. You can’t afford me.”
She smiles, leaning over and bumping her shoulder into mine. “Girlfriend privileges clearly state that you have to waive your fee for me. If I want to shove a camera in your handsome face five hours a day, you have to let me.”
I shake my head, looking down at the water. “Sounds like a raw deal. What do I get out of it?”
“Me,” she says lightly. “Isn’t that enough?”
She was joking, but I’m not. “More than enough.”
She smiles, looking over at me. She cocks her head, watching my face, then she reaches over to lovingly caress my jaw. “Why do you look sad?”
“I am a little sad,” I admit.
“Why?”
“Graduation day.”
She nods, then leans her head on my shoulder. “Don’t be sad,” she murmurs, but I take it more as she doesn’t want me to be sad than I don’t have a reason to be.