A gunshot would be far better than carrying around the pain of failing someone you loved the way I had. Knowing all that, how could I trust myself to protect Lane? I should confess to X that I’d gotten too involved and just walk away. X would keep Lane safe. He’d pull Niall and Leo in, but when I imagined leaving Lane to their care, I couldn’t do it. This fucking sucked. I didn’t know if I could protect him, but I couldn’t leave him either.
Even if I wanted to walk away, what was I supposed to tell X? If I admitted I’d done exactly what he’d forbidden me to do, I’d be out of a job—or dead. And if I said nothing, kept Lane safe, and we eliminated the threat against him, what would happen then? How could I keep doing my job, killing with cold precision, and then come back to this man who was so full of love. He loved to talk. He was so fucking open, but it wasn’t like I could share my day with him, and if he really knew what I was capable of, would he even want me? Wouldn’t it be better for me to leave now?
I imagined leaving Lane in someone else’s care. No fucking way. Whatever happened in the future, Lane was mine to protect for now. That meant I needed to make sure his apartment was safe before we arrived. To do that, I needed assistance.
I called Devil. He might be a mobster, but his code of ethics and mine lined up well. He’d helped me before, and then he called in a favor when Joe was captured by Swain.
“Giorgio. What’s up? Joe told me you’d pegged him for a job.”
“I did, but I need your help too.”
“Are you closing in on this motherfucker?”
“I hope so, but the asshole found me and my client at the cabin where we were hiding out.”
“X has you guarding the client?”
“Yeah. Long story.” He sounded as surprised as I’d been about me being put on guard duty. “The stalker asshole sent some men after us. I took care of them, but we’re heading back to my client’s place in town. I need you to make sure it’s secure before we get there and wait there as back up. Can you do that?”
“I’m on it. Just text me the address.”
I ended my call and spent the rest of the drive trying not to think about how hard I was falling for Lane and what the hell I was going to do about it.
I woke Lane when I’d parked at his building.
“We’re back?” he asked, his voice rough with sleep.
“Yes.”
“Is it…” He yawned widely. “Is it safe to go in?”
He looked so young and innocent, and my anger at Hendon rose in me again. “I had one of my people come and check things out. He’s waiting for us.”
My phone buzzed. It was Devil giving the all clear. “We can go up now, but stay close to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
I frowned at him. Was he truly awake? “For what?”
“I understand you have to keep your friend’s secret. You’re loyal, and I like that, but—”
I shook my head. “Don’t apologize. You…” I reached out and brushed his hair from his forehead. “There’s nothing wrong with you or with what you said. I wish… Shit. I wish a lot of things were different.”
“I don’t want you to walk away.”
I wasn’t going to. No matter how scared I was that history would repeat itself and I’d fail him like I did Thomas, I would have to find a way to keep those fears at bay. Lane needed me, and I was going to stay with him. Once we were settled, I was going to contact Leo and Niall, and we were going to make a plan to bring Alan down.
“Just grab one bag. I’ll come back for the rest of the stuff. I pulled my backpack onto my shoulders so I’d have my hands free. I kept one hand on Lane and the other on my gun. I was sure Devil had checked the place out thoroughly, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
When we reached Lane’s floor, I didn’t see Devil in the hall, and I assumed he was waiting inside, which was for the best since his appearance would surely intimidate Lane’s neighbors. I was curious to see how Lane would handle his presence.
Lane turned in the opposite direction of his apartment. “I need to get Mittens.”
“Don’t you think we should get everything settled in your apartment before we get the cat?”
He scowled at me and shook his head. “You made me leave her. I’m not waiting a minute longer to get her.”
I decided that was a battle I didn’t want to fight, so I followed him to Tara’s door and stood behind him as he knocked.