And I could fight the fear holding me back from stealing a peek beneath Noah’s Big Buck’s T-shirt at the muscles he fine-tuned over the past few years.
A touch. A taste. Nothing serious. Nothing that might lead to more.
Well, physically she was ready. It had been almost two years since she’d had sex. But sex led to broken hearts. Especially sex with Noah. And if they messed up with the birth control—a baby.
She couldn’t risk losing another child. It would break her. She wasn’t strong enough. Not yet, when she hadn’t even finished paying for the first loss. But even after she sent that last check, she knew the grief, the guilt, the feeling of failure, none of it would ever fully recede.
Still, a kiss, maybe two—that was different. She wasn’t afraid of one simple kiss. OK, maybe a little scared that she might start to feel something for him the second his lips touched hers. But she didn’t want to live in fear.
“Hey, Josie,” Noah called from behind the bar. “Are you all right? Need a break?”
She turned to him and saw his furrowed brow. Concern shone in his blue eyes. “I’m fine,” she said, knowing he’d vault over the bar if he thought she needed a full-blown rescue. But she didn’t. Not this time.
Just a kiss to prove she was stronger than the imaginary demons trying to keep a hold on her. A kiss to prove the confident woman who walked into that meeting yesterday wasn’t a mirage.
“Good. Then do you mind taking Josh back to see our new dishwasher? I’m swamped, but he wanted to say hi. And she might feel better if you’re there,” he called over the buzz of the crowd.
She nodded in agreement and scanned the people at the bar looking for the redheaded Summers brother. Josh waved and headed over.
“The woman of the hour,” Josh said. “Congratulations on putting Big Buck’s on the map for something other than a mechanical bull.”
“That hasn’t been here in years,” she said, leading the way to the relative quiet of the back room.
“Wow,” Josh said, drawing to a halt in the middle of the room. One glance at him, and Josie knew he wasn’t staring at the row of kegs that had been delivered yesterday. He’d spotted Caroline slamming the dishwasher closed.
“Getting out of the woods looks good on you, Miss Caroline,” he called.
Caroline turned and spotted Josh. She offered a tentative smile. “I’d been camping for a while when you found me,” she admitted.
“I owe you an apology,” he said. “I should have offered you a ride straight over to Big Buck’s. To Noah. I’m sorry I didn’t believe your story about someone being after you. I didn’t realize you were a marine.”
She took a step back and her hand moved to her waistband searching for the weapon thankfully locked in Noah’s safe.
“Your secret is safe with me,” Josh said, still beaming at Caroline as if the sight of a petite woman in combat boots, jean shorts, and an oversized Big Buck’s shirt blew him away. “My short-term memory is still just starting to work again after a logging accident.”
“I’m sorry,” Caroline said. “About the accident.”
Josh shrugged. “Sometime life delivers you a whole pile of shit and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Yes. It does.” Caroline’s arms dropped to her side.
“But at the end of the day, my siblings found a great doctor for me and I learned to bake an awesome pie while working on my memory.” Josh rested an elbow on the stainless-steel counter beside the dishwasher. “Do you like pie, Caroline?”
“I do,” she murmured.
“I’ll bake one for you sometime.” He stood and took a step back. “I’ll let you ladies get back to work. But I’ll see you soon, Miss Caroline. When I drop off your pie.”
Josh headed for the swinging door. He gave Caroline one last wave and disappeared into the other room.
“I can’t accept a pie from him,” Caroline said. “Or eat one with him.”
“If you give me a slice, I’ll chaperone your pie-eating date,” Josie volunteered.
The marine turned back to the dishwasher. “I can’t.”
“It’s just dessert.”
Caroline glanced over her shoulder. A hollow, haunted look had replaced her smile. “It’s never just a pie.”