Serving Trouble (Second Shot 1)

I can’t take control and make everything all right.

There was no way around it.

His arms fell to his sides and he pulled free from her hold, stepping away. He’d failed her the minute he’d let the grief carry him away, pushing him to take her without a condom. He’d delivered her back to the hell she’d fought so damn hard to escape. The pain. The grief. She might have to face all that again.

And there is nothing I can do about it.

He’d never felt so powerless.

But he could keep her out of the mad marine’s range. He could steer her clear of Caroline—­and, shit, himself.

“I want you to go home,” he said firmly. “Rest. Tell your dad. Please, Josie, you’re going to need his help this time.”

“Wait. What?” she demanded, sinking back onto the stool. She wrapped her arms around her middle.

“I need you to leave,” he said firmly.

“Noah, don’t be stupid,” she shot back. “I’m four weeks pregnant. I can serve drinks.”

Noah shook his head. “Until I know that Dustin’s gone, that he’s not watching the bar, tracking me, or Caroline, that he won’t start shooting again . . .” He couldn’t bring himself to say “shooting at you,” because he was never going to let that happen. “Until then, I need you to stay away from here. From me. And take care of yourself.”

“But he’s never shown up here,” she protested. “This guy you think is after Caroline.”

“What do you want me to say, Josie?” He placed his hands on his hips. “I can’t take the risk that something will happen to you here. I’m not going to let you down. I’ll be there for you and the baby. I’ll do everything I can and that includes keeping you away from a madman with a gun. What else do you want?”

I WANT YOU to say that you love me too.

“I don’t need a hero right now, Noah.”

“Good. I’m not cut out for the role. Not anymore. I just need you safe—­”

“And I need you.” But even as she said the words, she knew it was hopeless. He was too afraid that he’d fail her. And too focused on the things that remained within his control. “I can’t do this on my own.”

“Ah hell, Josie, you don’t have to,” he said quickly. “I’ll be there for every appointment. I’ll make sure you have everything you need. I’m not walking away, Josie. I’m not like your ex. We’re in this together.”

“Everything I need,” she repeated.

Everything but love.

And that was the piece she craved. She wasn’t strong enough to get through this—­the fear, the waiting, and the worrying—­without someone’s arms around her, holding her together. That’s what she’d hoped for when she’d sat beside Dominic’s hospital bed and decided to take a chance on Noah. She’d hoped for love. After everything that had happened, the guys she’d dated, the child she’d buried, she wanted to believe in love again.

“Everything,” he repeated. “I just need to keep some distance until I know Dustin’s been caught. After that, I’ll take care of you. I promise—­”

“If something goes wrong, if my water breaks again, there’s nothing you can do,” she said. “You know that, right? You can’t stop it from happening. I’ve talked to half a dozen doctors and specialists. There’s nothing they can do. Nothing anyone can do, but hope—­”

“I know,” he ground out. “Jesus, I know my hands are tied. I get that. So let me do what I can to keep you safe, all right?”

She saw the fear in his blue eyes. It mirrored hers. They might lose the baby. And it would destroy them both. She couldn’t take on the grief and heartbreak. This wasn’t the same as losing a boyfriend or watching the man you love leave to fight someplace so far away, where you can’t quite picture the setting, never mind the day-­to-­day threats.

Losing Morgan had been one hundred times worse. She’d learned the ins and outs of helplessness, sinking deeper and deeper into the meaning of that word while she’d watched her baby struggle. And that feeling? True helplessness when faced with a loss that would crush your heart and soul? She knew it would just about kill Noah too.

But that didn’t mean he had to shut his heart to the possibility of loving her. The only thing they could count on in this mess was love.

Except he didn’t love her. Or if he did, he refused to say the words.

“You really are a jerk,” she said, her voice trembling as if she might break into tears. But anger held them back. “It wasn’t just a show to keep everyone around here from patting you on the back, was it?”

His mouth formed a thin line and he nodded. “Yeah, I am, Josie. But I’m the jerk who is going to keep you safe.”