Surprise lit his features.
“That’s not true, Sarah.” He shook his head. “We were worse before Marly. Frozen inside. Everything bleak and dark. Sharing didn’t help, because there was no love for the women we shared. I knew what it was the night Sam found you and me in my room. I knew he was there. I knew the difference then.”
Sarah closed her eyes.
“I want this over,” she told him quietly. “I don’t like being closed up like this. I don’t like feeling helpless, Brock.”
She took a deep, hard breath as she felt his hands on her shoulders, pulling her against his chest.
“I want to always hold you, Sarah,” he breathed against her hair. “Every night, in my bed, close against my body. I don’t want to lose you.”
“And I don’t know what to do.” She laid her head against his back. “Love isn’t supposed to be like that, you know?”
Sarah couldn’t stop the tears that drifted from her eyes. She loved him. Loved him so desperately, always had. How was she supposed to survive the hell they lived in, seeing everyday the scars of it in the three men who knew no other way of life.
“I know that, baby. And it won’t always be. Just sometimes. Just when the memories are too bad. Usually in the spring, that’s when it happened Sarah, in April. It’s usually only then, because that’s when the memories are the worst, when the demons strike in nightmares and fears we can’t control. It’s our bond. Our survival. And letting go of it would mean letting go of each other forever.”
There was bleak agony in his question, a plea for acceptance, for understanding. This big, strong man, so sexual, so determined needed her so desperately that he would plead for her understanding. She closed her eyes, stemming her tears. She loved him. She loved all of him. Even the wounded warrior Brock was, who knew the only way to love the brothers who had survived with him.
She opened her eyes, staring at him as she sighed, shaking her head.
“I knew you were trouble years ago. I just didn’t know how much.”
That rusty smile tipped the edge of his lips once again. She loved his smile. Loved the hesitant light of it in his eyes that pushed away the shadows of remembered pain.
“Come back downstairs. Have a drink with me while we watch TV with Cade and Marly?” he asked as he kissed her cheek with endearing hesitancy. As though he were unused to the tenderness he felt for her.
“Just watch TV?” she asked him with a smile.
“Well, unless you want to do more, baby. It’s all according to what you want.” Amusement filled his eyes, lightening the color, lifting the haggard expression he carried.
“Hm, it’s all up to me then?” she drawled. “Somehow, I think the three of you are a hell of a lot more calculating than you let on.”
Mock surprise filled his face as he took her hand and led her to the door.
“We’re just simple men. How could you say that?” he asked incredulously.
“Can the act, cowboy.” She shook her head, following him, a prickle of unease skating down her spine.
She turned back to the bedroom, stopping Brock as he paused, looking at her questioningly.
“Brock, when did you take that stuff and put it out?” The dildo and plug was lying on the bed as though dropped by a careless hand.
Brock walked into the room, staring at the objects. She felt the dangerous tension that gripped him then. His body tightened with fury, with rage.
“Fuck.” His harsh exclamation was preceded by a hard grip at her waist as he forced her from the room.
“What?” She gasped.
“Rick. Tara.” His voice echoed through the house, demanding, infuriated. “Cade, get the fuck up here.”
He pushed her into the hall as everyone began running up the stairs. Rick and Tara and several of the other members of their team came with weapons drawn. Cade and Sam had converged on Marly, keeping her carefully between them as they followed.
“The bastard’s been in our room.” Brock turned on Rick, his hands reaching out, gripping the other man’s shirtfront and throwing him against the wall. “How did he get in, Rick?”
Violence pulsed through Brock’s body, a killing rage that terrified Sarah.
“That’s not possible, Brock.” Rick stayed calm, matter of fact. “I have every entrance into this house monitored as well as a security system. He couldn’t have got in.”