“You have bad news, don't you?” she asked, breaking the silence between them.
“How can you tell?”
“You get this line between your eyebrows and your shoulders tense up when you don't like something,” she explained. She motioned to his body. “You're standing aggressively. If you were a horse, I'd be worried you were going to kick me. Or bite.”
He consciously tried to relax his shoulders and found it harder than he expected. “I'm not going to bite,” he assured her.
“So what's the matter?” she asked. Her voice was soft like she already expected the worst.
He sighed. He'd practiced in his head, but now he wasn't sure what to say. He started out with the easier intro to what was bothering him.
“Part of it is work,” he replied. “Things are a lot more complicated. The California office needs me, and the R&D opening is having issues. Carter will be able to help, but...”
“But you need to be going back and forth,” she finished. She lips thinned. “You have to fly more.”
He nodded. She glanced around like she was looking for strength and her arms tightened around her.
“I can't handle that,” she said softly. “I can't handle you flying all the time.”
“Laura...”
“No, I know that it's stupid,” she said, holding up a hand. “I know that it's irrational and that there are people with way riskier jobs. I know that. But I also know that when you get on that plane, the only thing I can think about is how I lost two people that cared about me most in this world.”
“Flying is safe,” he replied. He didn't know what else to say.
“I know. Believe me, I know,” she said. “Did you know the odds of being killed on a flight are 1 in 29.4 million? The odds of being struck by lightning are 1 in 960,000. I was thirty times more likely to be hit by lightning than have just one of my parents die in a plane crash. I won the unlucky lottery not just once, but twice.”
“I can't change that,” he replied, f
eeling the need to defend himself. She was worked up and blaming him for something he couldn't do anything about. It wasn't fair.
“I know that,” she snapped. “But it's still there.”
“You know this isn't healthy, right?” He wanted to throw up his arms and yell at her to get over it. That she needed to move on with her life. She needed to confront her fear and live in the real world. This was irrational and insane. It wasn't good for her or the kids.
Her nostrils flared. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I can't lose any more people. And yes, I get that planes are safe, and almost no one dies in them. I get that. But it happened. And lightning usually strikes the same place every time. That's why lightning rods work. I am a lightning rod.”
He rolled his eyes. He should have gone to the hotel and taken a nap before this. He wasn't in the right state of mind to be having this conversation, but it was too late now. He could feel his blood pressure rising.
“It sounds like you've made up your mind,” he replied. He could tell what she was doing. She was going to end things. She couldn't handle his job, so she was going to push him away. He didn't know how to change her mind.
“I think we need to take a break,” she said, carefully forming each word. “We need to slow things down.”
He clenched his fists and then relaxed them. She wasn't in a rational place right now. She was still upset about the airplane going missing. He shouldn't have pushed it today. He should have just gone to the hotel.
“This isn't what I want, Laura,” he said. “Can we talk about this later? When we're both calmer?”
“I am calm,” she replied. “This is what I want. It's what's best for the kids. They saw that plane on the TV and freaked out. They didn't even know you were flying today. If they did, I don't know what they would have done.”
“The plane crash was a freak accident,” he told her. “It almost never happens.”
“One in 29.4 million,” she told him. She shook her head. “Once things are settled at your work, we can try again. Until then, I can't have you flying and scaring them and me. It's not going to work.”
Panic at losing her clawed at his chest. “Laura, I care about you.”
“I know. And I care about you,” she whispered. “That's the problem.”
He hated the way his throat was tightening. He had to do something.