James sighed loudly. “I'll call you a car.”
“No! No. It's a short walk.” I had to tell him something or else he would insist. “Look, I'm fine, really. I just need to get away from you for a little bit. Let me calm down, okay?”
He sighed again. “Okay. Call me if you need anything. I'll try and get some work done while you're off being irrational.”
I wanted to throw something at him, but at least he was going to let me be for the day. I was still mad at him, but it was a moment of privacy that I really appreciated. He was so protective of me that I was afraid he would go back on his word and call a car anyway. Or possibly a bodyguard. But he didn't, and today, I appreciated that.
As I slipped out the door without letting him know I was going, I knew I'd probably be back later today. I knew better than to believe I could resist him for long, but hanging out with Anne might do me some good.
But first, I had to take a detour. I asked my phone where the nearest drug store was at...
Chapter Thirty-Four
I staggered out into the cold, still a little unsteady on my feet. I didn't know if it was something I ate, or maybe a bug I caught on the airplane, but I suddenly felt like my body wasn't my own. Or maybe, it was something much, much better.
I tried to remember what I had read on the Internet about morning sickness, but as weak as I felt right now, I couldn't think of anything. Was this too early to have it? Would a pregnancy test be accurate at this point, assuming I got pregnant just about two weeks ago?
I knew the answer to that last question. I might as well flip a coin for all the good a pregnancy test would do me right now. Still, I felt like it might put my mind at ease. Immediately upon leaving the building, I punched “drug store” into my phone's GPS. There was one only two blocks away, and I walked toward it, feeling myself perk up immediately at having a task, something to do.
I was already starting to forgive James for the pictures that Nicole had sent him, but I wasn't about to admit that to him yet. After all, I had seen the messages he had sent back. Most were very noncommittal, as if he were embarrassed that he had to reply at all.
I had also seen the look on his face when I accused him of jerking off to the pictures, and I knew that it was true. No doubt he had gigabytes of pornography on his computer to jerk off to as well, and was that really all that different? I knew that it was something to be worried about, but as long as it was kept to just an occasional wank session at his home, I could hardly stay mad.
If he wanted to stay with me, however, he'd have to make it clear to Nicole that they were never to see each other again. Oh, I know he said that he'd never do anything with her. And he had been good at telling her no, that one time. I knew how badly she wanted to get with him, though, and that
she'd pull out every trick in the book next time she saw him.
I thought about texting her right now, telling her to stay away from James. How weird would that seem? The younger sister telling her roommate that her older brother was off limits? Could I get away with it? Not without seeming weird, I thought with a sigh. She had to know the two of us weren't that close. How long before she started asking questions about our relationship? Would she start to spy on us? She didn't seem like a gossip, but you never know with people what will set them off.
The pharmacy's sign was in the distance, the mortar-and-pestle of the logo almost seeming like a mirage until I got closer. I hoped they would be open on a Saturday morning, and I sighed with relief as I saw the “Open 24 Hours” sign.
I went inside and headed straight to the feminine hygiene aisle. There were a thousand different pregnancy tests available and I wished I had paid attention to which brand was the best during all my pregnancy research. I picked the one that had the shiniest packaging and went up to the checkout.
The girl at the counter gave me a pitying look as she rang me up, especially as I paid for it and a pack of gum with a credit card. Just one more expense I'd have to try to explain to my dad, I thought with another sigh. With a meek voice, I asked where their bathroom was. The cashier pointed and almost seemed to sigh, as if she thought I was going to pee all over the stall and make a mess that she personally would have to clean up. I smiled and thanked her, then headed for the bathroom.
Luckily, I hadn't had a chance to pee before I had staggered out of James' apartment. I almost lost control while I had been retching, but I managed to keep it all in. I opened the box and took the applicator out quickly, nearly dropping it in the toilet as I grabbed it. I wasn't sure it would have worked after that and I was glad I didn't have to go through the pain of purchasing another. Without going into any more details, I managed to pee on it without making the stall a mess for the poor cashier.
I should have pulled out my phone and played with that, or thought about something else, or done literally anything other than just staring at my watch and waiting for sixty seconds to count down. The first line appeared immediately, but I knew that only meant the test was working. I watched as the forty second mark passed, then fifty seconds, then all the way to sixty seconds.
I couldn't see a second line.
For a moment, I didn't know whether I should be relieved or devastated. Part of me knew that at eighteen years old, I was much too young to be pregnant. Even if James did support me, it'd be a major change in my life. I still wanted to finish college, and it'd be really hard to be a good mother at the same time as I was attending classes.
But the other part of me wanted this more than anything. James was the best man to be a father that I could ever hope for. I had been feeling my belly every day for the past two weeks, and I had known that there was a baby already growing in there. I knew that I was ready, especially with James' help.
I looked down at the pregnancy test again, feeling a sense of loss already.
Was that a second line there?
I squinted my eyes. Was it just my own hope that I was pregnant that was fooling me? It really looked like a faint second line there. I couldn't be sure. The only other person within walking distance was the cashier, and I doubted she would appreciate me just walking up with a used pregnancy test and asking if she saw a line.
I looked as hard as I could, but really couldn't tell if it was just my imagination. My heart fluttered with hope as I set it down on the toilet paper dispenser and snapped a picture of it on my phone. I didn't quite know how I would figure it out, but I knew I had to. It might have to wait until I got back to New York, but I knew I would have to find out one way or another...
Chapter Thirty-Five
I tossed the pregnancy test in the trash and left the drug store quickly. Part of me wanted to keep it as a memento, but I realized how crazy it sounded to want to carry around a stick that I had peed on. I walked outside in the cold, unsure of where to go next. I popped a stick of gum in my mouth to get rid of the throw-up taste from earlier and thought about what to do next.
Part of me wanted to run right back to James, to let him in on my possible discovery. Part of me was still mad at him for jacking off to pictures of Nicole. And part of me knew that he would try to tell me that it was too early to make any kind of assumptions.