The thought made my eyes burn with tears. I sniffled and grabbed a blanket, pulling it up over my head. I closed my eyes, willing myself to join with the darkness so I could sleep until I found my way home
***
Someone touched me and I nearly jumped out of my seat to punch them.
“We've landed, miss.”
It was just the flight attendant. I was glad I hadn't started swinging.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, wiping drool off my chin. I hated the time change already, more just because it was a change.
With bleary eyes, I collected my things and hurried off the plane. A cold wind ripped at my light jacket as I stepped onto the dark tarmac and hurried away from the last bits of life with Bastian. It smelled like snow here. Snow and airplane fuel. I felt sick to my stomach. And cold. So very, very cold and alone.
Someone was waving to me at the end of the tarmac. They were big and hidden within a winter coat, but I knew that coat. I knew the worn elbows and faded blue denim of that coat like it was home. I dropped my bags and took off running. It was exactly who I needed to see. My Dad.
“Hey there, kiddo,” he greeted me, wrapping his big arms around me as I nearly knocked him over with my hug. I held on to him like I did when I was child and he was still the strongest man alive. I had no idea what he was doing here, he needed a pacemaker after all, but for the moment, I didn't even care. I was still beyond glad to see him.
“What are you doing here, Dad?” I asked, not relaxing my hug an inch. The stiff fabric of his winter coat was scratchy against my cheek, but I didn't want to move. “You're supposed to be in the hospital.”
“About that...” He pulled back and I relaxed my grip on him slightly. He tapped his chest and grinned. “Good as new.”
“What?” I stared at him in disbelief, noticing that his cheeks had more pink in them than they had before and his eyes seemed brighter. He didn't look tired, even though it was late at night. It wasn't possible, though. I had only been separated from him for a week. Dr. Verner hadn't said anything. Jackie hadn't said anything. Dad hadn't said anything.
“They put the pacemaker in four days ago,” he announced. He smiled wide.
“AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!?” I shouted, smacking him on the arm. His winter coat easily absorbed the blow. No one had said anything. I should have been there. If I had known I would have flown home the instant he had the appointment. If I had known, I wouldn't have left his side the entire time.
“I didn't want you to worry,” he replied, looking sheepish. “You had a job to do.”
“What if something had happened?” I yelled at him. I was supposed to be there for him. It was him and me. And Jackie. I was okay with Jackie being there, too. But I certainly should have been there. It was surgery. “What if-”
“Honey, this is why I didn't tell you,” he interrupted. “Jackie was there the whole time. If anything would have happened, you would have been the first to know.”
“Dad...” My throat felt tight. What if I had lost him? I had looked up the risks. They were relatively minor and kept getting better every year. But that didn't take the fear of losing him away. It was the what-ifs that scared me more than the procedure.
“I didn't want you to worry and the doctor said it was practically a minor procedure,” he said softly. “You have enough on your plate without me there, too.”
“Daddy...” I sighed. I knew he thought he had done the right thing and there was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise. Besides, it was in the past. There was honestly nothing I could do about it now anyway.“I don't know if I want to hug you or strangle you now.”
“I'm going to vote for the hug,” he told me, trying to get me to smile. A gust of snow blew behind him, reminding me that we were standing out in the middle of a tarmac in freezing temperatures.
I leaned forward and held him close again. I was so tired that I wasn't able to tell how angry I was. I was really just glad that he was okay.
“What are you doing out of the hospital and driving?” I asked, pulling back. “They put a pacemaker in you, Dad.”
“I barely had to stay the night after they put it in. And that was just for monitoring. Easy peasy,” he explained. He looked rather pleased with himself. “It's now considered a relatively minor surgery. I didn't even get knocked out for it.”
“I don't care. No surgeries without me. Even if Jackie's there.” I sighed and hugged him tighter. “I'm leaving Jackie with explicit instructions next time. Hell, I'm leaving Aunt Jenny with special instructions to let me know the next time you catch a cold.”
“Do not get your aunt involved,” he pleaded, making a desperate face. My aunt could be a real witch when she wanted to be. She was as stubborn as my dad, but more serious. “But Jackie, well, she's in the car. You can tell her now.”
I frowned, looking over at the parking lot. I could see lights on my dad's truck and the petite form of a woman in the driver's seat.
“She won't let me drive on my own yet,” he admitted, grinning bashfully. “Oh, and we're officially dating now.”
I laughed. The woman practically did his laundry. He had been having a lovely romantic vacation of his own while I had enjoyed mine. I wondered if that was a part of why he hadn't told me about the surgery. If I had been home, he
wouldn't have gotten near as much Jackie- alone time. Though, I sincerely hoped they were just playing Parcheesi. The man did just get a pacemaker.