I drove home, unable to decide if I was happy or sad. The two emotions played tug-of-war, pulling me toward glad I had seen him back to gloomy he had left. I barely made it into pajamas before collapsing in bed, drifting into dreams of Owen.
Chapter 10
Six A.M. came far too early the next day. I groaned and rolled out of bed, the wood floor creaking and cold under my feet. I heard the automatic coffee pot sputter, and I trudged into the kitchen, wishing I could just go back to my dreams with Owen.
The flowers were still in the plastic on my kitchen table. At least I had put them in water before collapsing into bed, so they were still beautiful and vibrant. I lowered the cellophane wrapping and took a deep breath. The soft floral notes didn't remind me of the ocean anymore. They reminded me of someone with blonde hair and deep blue eyes. I smiled, enjoying the memory. I wondered what Owen was doing right then.
I snapped myself out of my thoughts, quickly drinking my coffee so that I could get in the shower. I had another twelve-hour shift in front of me, and no matter how much I would rather spend my morning daydreaming, I had work to do.
***
The ER was busy for the first half of the morning. Patients trickled in at a steady rate, keeping me busy as I raced around between the rooms. Despite the work, I was walking on air. I knew I had a silly smile on my face as I went through my routine, but I didn't care. I had seen Owen last night and it had been fantastic. There was nothing that could spoil this day for me.
"Hey, Kaylee, you have a visitor in the waiting room," Allie called from the desk. I frowned slightly. It couldn't be Owen, he was probably in the middle of a desert by now. No one else would need to come visit me at work, or at least they would know to call first.
"Who is it?"
"Security didn't say."
I handed her the chart I had just finished and told her I would be back in a minute. Visitors weren't allowed in the actual ER, so I headed out to the waiting room to see who it was. The heavy metal doors dividing the waiting room from the ER clanked shut behind me and my heart sank. Standing there joking with the security guard was my ex-boyfriend.
"What are you doing here, Michael?" I asked, trying to stay polite. I had told him a hundred times not to bother me at work. I had been the one to break it off with him, but I got the feeling that he wasn't ready to let me go.
"I came to see you, Kay! I thought we could get lunch." I hated when he called me Kay. You mean, you thought I would buy you lunch. He smiled at me like he was doing me the favor. I motioned him away from the security guard to a quiet corner so that we could talk privately.
"Michael, I am really busy today. You know that I've asked you not to visit me at work." I was trying very hard not to get angry. This was just so typical of him.
"I just wanted to see you, Kay. Things have been really hard, and I miss you," he said. His big brown eyes begged me to forgive him, to just love him. I had fallen into those eyes too many times, but never again. This relationship was not healthy. I had spent too much time falling for his tricks to make me do things for him while he did nothing in return.
I thought of all the times he had asked me to take care of things, but how he was always busy or too tired to help me when I needed it. All the condescending comments and cruel teasing. The lack of compliments. How he had made me feel like I was never going to be good enough for anyone but him, but he would keep me because he was just that good of a guy. The way he put me down so I would do anything to please him. An anger I didn't even realize was there bubbled up.
"No, you don't miss me," I said, my voice rising. "You miss me taking care of you. You miss me feeling sorry for you because your life is so difficult. You miss me doing all the work to fix it. I am worth so much more than what you tell me I am. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not being appreciated! The only time you come around is when you want something." I surprised myself by actually saying it out loud. I had thought those words so many times, but I never had the guts to say it before.
Shock registered in Michael's face. I had never yelled at him like this. "Kay, I do appreciate you! I really do! It's just that things are hard right now. I hate being away from you. My car broke and that job fell through and-"
"I don't care, Michael," I said, cutting him off. "I told you we're done. I meant it. I don't want to take care of you and your problems. It is always all about you. When's the last time you helped me out? Because I can't remember. I can't remember the last time you got me flowers or made me dinner or even offered to help do the dishes. I'm tired of taking care of you and getting nothing in return. I'm going back to work now, and I don't want you to visit me again." I hoped he couldn't see that I was shaking in my Crocs. Everything I hated about our relationship had just kind of spilled out.
As he stood there gaping at me, I realized just how much he had neglected me. Owen flew three hours in the wrong direction just to bring me flowers. In just the week since I had met Owen, he had done more nice things for me than Michael had done in the two years we were together. It wasn't about him spending money on me, either. It was about how he treated me. Owen complimented me. Michael teased. Owen put other people first. Michael never thought of anyone but himself. I didn't like myself when I was with Michael, because he was always putting me down. I was so much better than what Michael told me I was. Looking back, I was shocked that I had let the relationship go on as long as I did.
"Kay, I don't understand. You know things are bad for me right now," he said quietly. His shoulders slumped and he looked so dejected and broken that I almost apologized. No. I stood up straighter. I'm better than this. I deserve someone who wants to take care of me. Someone like Owen. Just because I felt bad for Michael and his situations didn't mean I had to fix them. Lord knew I had tried enough times, and yet he was still having the same exact problems. They weren't problems I could fix.
"Michael, things are always bad for you. You've got to fix it yourself this time. I have patients to see. Goodbye, Michael. Please don't come back. Ever." I turned quickly and headed back toward the ER. I knew if I turned around and saw his face, I might change my mind. He knew exactly how to look at me to make me cave, and I didn't want to see it. I hurried quickly through the ER doors and back into the safety of the nurse's station.
"You okay?" Allie asked as I leaned against one of the walls. "You look a little pale."
"I just told Michael that I'm tired of taking care of him and that I don't want to see him again," I said weakly. I pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes, shocked that I had actuall
y said those things out loud to him. Allie snorted.
"About time."
I dropped my hands and looked at her. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, her blonde ponytail falling over her shoulder. "What do you mean?"
"Kaylee, you are too nice sometimes. Especially to Michael. He's no good for you. Since the two of you broke up, you've been happier than I've seen you in a long time. And now, you said no to those puppy-dog eyes of his? I don't know what they put in the water in the Caribbean, but if it finally made you get rid of Michael for good, I hope you brought home buckets of it."
It wasn't exactly the water, I thought to myself.
"Thanks Allie." I took a deep breath and smiled. She was right. It was like I had taken a weight off my shoulders that I had never even known I was carrying.