Emily seemed confused and saddened by the fact that I hadn't made any children yet. I suppose her reaction wasn't too surprising, though. Emily's life path was the norm for people in our small town. Everyone met their sweetheart in high school, got married and were pregnant by their early twenties. I was most definitely the odd one in town and the older I got, the more apparent that fact became.
I was already well over thirty-years-old and still hadn't met a man that I deemed worthy enough for marriage. Sure, I'd dated a bit, and even gotten close a couple of times, but it never felt right. Sometimes I felt like I was just too late to the game.
The thought of never meeting the right man or being able to have kids made me cringe, but I was a realist. I knew it was a definitely possibility that I'd grow old and have nothing and nobody to keep me company, except maybe a cat or two. I constantly worried that the ship had sailed for me and I would end up stuck on the shore, by myself, with no children to raise.
“Thanks again, Hannah,” Emily said, bringing my attention to her once again.
“You're very welcome,” I said. “It's good to see you again. I'll have to stop by the hardware store one of these days and say hello.”
“I'd like that very much,” she replied.
I left the room and closed the door behind me. Coming back home, I had expected some people to ask me questions about my life. It was only natural. Not many girls left our town, and even fewer left because they dreamed of something more. Hardly anyone came back without a good reason. I was different than what people in this town expected.
Still, the fact that every patient so far today had reminded me that I was not married and childless was enough to drive me crazy. I could only hope that the longer
I was here, the less people would ask me. They would hear through the grapevine that Frank and Marla's daughter was a spinster. There would be rumors that I was gay or that I had some sad disease.
As long as the questions stopped, I would be okay with that. I'd come home for a reason and it wasn't for the town to ask me why I didn't have kids yet. I only planned on being here for a year or two. Then I'd go back to the city and my regular life.
I sat down at my desk and finished charting my notes on Emily, but my thoughts were everywhere else. They focused mostly on my dad and how he would never get to see a grandchild.
He was the reason I was back in Riversville. He was sick. Lung cancer. We'd already tried everything without success. The doctors gave him a year, and he wanted to spend it where he had spent the rest of his life. I'd moved home to be closer to him as long as I could, and to provide care once things got bad. No one in town knew how bad it was yet, and my dad wanted to keep it that way, so I was just telling everyone I was home because I wanted to be.
In reality, I was home to help my father die.
“You okay?” Dr. Matthews asked, suddenly standing in my doorway.
I startled and realized I must have looked about ready to cry.
“Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking,” I replied, doing my best to smile and look like everything was normal.
“Must have been some dark thoughts,” he said. He leaned nonchalantly against the door frame, all lean lines and strong edges.
I shrugged, not wanting to bring him into my depressing world. “What can I do for you?”
“Just wanted to quickly check in with you about Emily,” he said, stepping into my office.
He looked so damn handsome in his gray slacks and white button-down shirt. It made him look so professional and put together and sexy. I tried not to stare blatantly at him, but it was a battle I was loosing. Those light blue eyes of his could have made me melt in the middle of a snow storm. They always drew me in and for some reason that I couldn't explain, they always felt safe.
“She looks great. Everything with her and the baby looks normal,” I replied. I rattled off the numbers I'd put in the chart.
Dr. Matthews nodded as he listened. “Okay, great. I'll let you get on with your day. Just wanted to touch base before I saw Emily.”
“Sure thing,” I said, with a soft chuckle. “It's no problem.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You sure everything's okay, Hannah?”
“Yeah, of course.” I managed a real smile this time. It was easy when he was around.
“It just seems like you've got something on your mind,” he said, crossing his arms and waiting for me to bare all my secrets. I was half tempted. I wanted to bare things to him.
I shrugged. “It's still early. Maybe I need more coffee.”
“Coffee can never hurt,” he said with a smile.
“Yeah, you're right about that.” I reached for my cup and took a sip. It was lukewarm but still better than nothing. My coffee could hold my secrets for now.
“Okay.” He flashed me a quick smile and walked away. I'd be lying if I said I didn't watch him for a little longer than someone should realistically watch their boss.