“Huh.” Mrs. Kerstman let the phrase out with a slow breath.
“Huh?” Nicholas repeated his mom’s phrase with the same intonation.
“It’s just interesting, that’s all. You’ve never given up on a single thing you’ve ever wanted, not in your entire life, but you think a relationship is going to be too hard for you to handle?” she asked the question, tilting her head to the side. “Are you scared, Nicholas?”
“Mom...” As Nicholas started his sentence, he could feel the truth of the matter infiltrating its way into his words. He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Mom, I’m terrified. If I wanted to be with Molly, I’d have to give up everything I worked for my whole life. I’d have to give up on Manhattan and Kerstman Enterprises.”
“You think so?” she asked.
“I’d have to start my life over, right here, right now. And all for what? The possibility that we’ll end up with some fairy tale ending? That we’ll really be spending the rest of our lives together? What if we don’t?” he asked his mother. “What if I decided to give it all up for her and in a few months she realizes that she never even liked me that much in the first place? How could I come back from that? How could I go back to Manhattan with my tail between my legs?”
“Nicholas—”
“Mom, it’s just not logical,” he told her, a hint of anger creeping into his voice. He wasn't angry with her. He was angry with himself. With the situation. With losing Molly.
“Love rarely is,” Mrs. Kerstman said softly, looking back up at her son. “But it’s worth it, Nicholas. It’s worth all the potential pain and heartbreak, because when you get it right, it’s something magical.”
She turned her head to look back at her husband who was standing in their home’s den. He gave her a slight smile and a nod of the head before he walked off toward a set of stairs.
“I don’t know if I can do it.” Nicholas leaned against the porch railing, his words coming out low. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me. You don’t have to apologize to anyone, really,” she told
him, and she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “You’re the only one who knows what’s in your heart. You’re the only one who knows what will make you happy. And you’re the only one who knows if it’s worth it.”
Nicholas smiled sadly down at his mother before he leaned away from the railing. “I’ll call you once I land in New York.”
“You better.” Mrs. Kerstman then turned to step away from her son. “I’ll see you on New Year’s, Nicky.”
* * *
Nicholas sat in the passenger seat of the Jaguar, opting to let Luke drive them both back to the airport. Nicholas had given Luke the keys because he knew that if he drove himself, he wouldn’t be focused on the road ahead of him, and he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary accidents while trying to catch a flight back to the city.
The drive out of town was going to last at least another forty-five minutes. Nicholas crossed his arms over his chest and he leaned into his leather seat. He closed his eyes, wishing that he'd just sleep. Instead, he just thought about her.
Molly Carmichael.
She was all Nicholas could think about.
It wasn’t even a specific thought he was having about her. It was as if she was everywhere.
Just seeing the snow alongside the street was enough to remind him of her. It reminded him of her playful snowball fight with Liam, how she went to “war” with such a silly weapon.
And as they passed by rows of homes with bright Christmas lights still turned on for the day, it reminded Nicholas of their time spent together with The Brownstones, with Molly taking full credit for putting up the decorations.
Even seeing the mistletoe hanging from the town’s streetlamps reminded him of the woman who’d wear mistletoe in her hair, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to her, as if she was some Christmas fairy tale come to life.
He remembered kissing her. Her soft taste and delicate lips. The way his body ached to touch her. They never did make it back to that field or to his room.
“Sir, are we making a left or a right up here? The GPS just went offline,” Luke asked, grimacing down at his phone for a moment before looking back up at the street. “Do you remember which way you drove in?”
“Left,” Nicholas answered. “Left should do it.”
“Thank you, sir,” Luke replied as he drove the car down the road. “Do you mind if I put on some music, sir? It’s kind of a long drive to be sitting in silence, don’t you think?”
“Go for it,” Nicholas told him. He waved a hand towards Luke before he once again folded his arms.
Luke nodded and he reached for the radio dial. The song that began to play through the car’s speakers almost made Nicholas’ heart thump right out of his chest.