Her outraged gasp was the last thing I heard before ending the call with a groan.
Talking with Cassie never failed to make my blood boil and reminded me of the worst mistake I’d ever made. I couldn’t regret it because Lila was my everything, but I would rather have made a baby with a one night stand than that selfish woman. It’s a mistake I won’t make again.
Those words brought me up short because I’d lumped Tara into the same category as Cassie when that was fair. Or accurate. Sure Tara’s job came with certain dangers but that was only because she was trying to keep an entire community of people safe. She’d helped a woman going through a difficult time and for her efforts she’d ended up in the hospital.
And yeah sure, Lila had been upset, but only because she cared about Tara. Was that what I was protecting her from, caring about people because they might leave? That was not the lesson I wanted to teach Lila. I wanted her to have a life filled with love and happiness, with people who care about her and that meant risk. It meant people would die and move away, and some might just leave, but I had to teach my girl to be strong enough to handle it.
Not to just run away and hide.
Like I’ve been doing.
“I really am an idiot.” I could only shake my head at how foolish, how callous I’d been towards Tara. How unfair.
“Why are you an idiot Daddy?” Lila stood in the doorway of the living room with a confused look on her face. I wondered how long she’d been standing there and if she heard any of my conversation with Cassie
“Because I was wrong about something and I think I might have hurt someone I care about.”
“Oh. Just say you’re sorry and promise not to do I again.”
I smiled, confident that my little girl was already shaping up to be a better person than her mother and that was in no small part due to me. And Tara. “That’s a great idea, sweetheart. I think I will.”
“Can I have a cookie?” I longed for the ability to shrug things off as easily as an eight year old.
How easy life could be.
Tara
“I’m not saying that you can’t work Tara.” Xander folded his arms and sighed, sapphire blue eyes devoid of their usual playfulness. “But if you’re honest with yourself you know that community outreach is the best option until you’re healed. Fully healed.” I could’ve tolerated a playful or condescending Xander, but sympathetic and serious?
My shoulders fell. “Fine. It’s not like I can run after perps now anyway.”
His lips twitched. “Perps? Has someone been binge watching crime shows?”
I folded my arms and glared at my boss, who was far too amused right now. “Maybe. It’s a nice way to unwind after a long day of doing nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
“Order up,” Mara barked from behind the counter, her tone harsh as it usually was when Xander was in hearing distance.
Xander turned with a grin. “Did you put some extra sugar in it?”
Mara arched a brow just to let Xander know she didn’t find his little act cute or charming. “Did you order extra sugar?”
“No, but I always assume you stick your finger in my coffee and that’s why it’s so sweet.” He flashed that wide, toothy grin that drove every woman between the age of ten and one hundred, crazy.
“I’m gonna be sick.” Mara punctuated her words with a flat smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Next!”
Xander looked behind me to the empty line and shrugged. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”
“Guess again, copper.” She slapped another cup on the counter which was my tall French roast with hazelnut creamer. “See you later Officer Community Outreach.” Mara’s smile was pure mischief when she looked over at me and I groaned. “Good to see you up and about. Finally.”
“Thanks, Mara.” It had taken a little more time than I liked to get used to walking around without fear of falling over but the limp was barely noticeable anymore, which explained my rush to return to work. “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I told Xander before grabbing my coffee and enjoying a slow stroll home.
It really was too late in the day for coffee but boredom had forced me out of the house and into the world, mostly to track down Xander while he was getting his early evening coffee fix. I thought Mara’s sweets and caffeine would be the perfect time to get him to let me return a few weeks early.
I’d been wrong.
And now I had too much coffee for sunset and a long evening ahead of me with nothing to do but study and watch television. Maybe do some more baking, which was a dangerous activity when I couldn’t work out but that thought only made me want to bake even more. By the time I dropped down on my sofa though, I knew there would be no baking in my immediate future. The short walk to and from Bread Box had exhausted the rest of my will to get up and be productive, which meant a cold sandwich or delivery was in my immediate plans.