“Tell me?” I asked quietly as I settled back down on her pillow. She took another breath and started playing with her fingers before she started talking.
“I’d been feeling really sorry for myself all day today,” she said. “I talked to my mom last night, and she was telling me about all the things going on with her and her travels, and I was just pissed off about being here and not there with her. I really miss her.”
She turned her head back to me.
“But then I found you,” she continued softly, “and I realized that my complaints were kind of trivial compared to yours. At least I can call her…or send her an email.”
“Why don’t you just text her?”
“I don’t have a smart phone,” Nicole said. “I have a regular one, but all it can do is make phone calls. I stick with email.”
She nodded over to the computer, and I wondered if that was what she was doing every night when I saw her at her window. I felt her hand brush through my hair before she stood up.
“I’ll be on the couch downstairs,” Nicole said, and she started walking to the door. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Nicole?” I called out. My stomach and chest tightened up. “Will you stay with me?”
Her eyes narrowed a little. I knew how my request must have sounded, and I didn’t mean it that way. I didn’t want to be alone. It was strange because I had always been alone on this day and never really thought about it before. But now I just wanted Nicole here.
“I swear I won’t try anything,” I told her. “Nothing at all—I promise.”
“You want me to lie down with you?”
It was too fucking ridiculous for words, and I wondered why in the hell I thought she would consider it. I nodded anyway, figuring it wasn’t going to be any worse. If she said no, she’d still be on the couch, and she was going to do that anyway.
Except it would be worse, because it meant she’d said no.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to actually remember seeing her say the words for the rest of my life even if I would continue to hear it forever. The next thing I knew, she was sitting on the edge of the bed again, but this time she was pulling the blankets back and tucking her feet underneath them.
I scooted back to make room for her and followed every movement with my eyes as she lay down beside me and placed her head next to mine on the pillow. I watched her gather up her hair with her hand and hold it to the back of her neck to get it out of her way. I saw the way she meticulously smoothed out the top blanket until we were both completely covered and how she kept glancing down—away from my face—as she settled in.
I had never been in a bed with a girl before. Locker rooms, backs of school buses, behind bleachers, backseats of cars, yes, but never in a bed. It felt really strange but not in a bad way at all. What was particularly weird to my mind was that I wasn’t the least bit turned on, though looking back, it was probably at least partially due to the date. My mindset was not exactly normal. Regardless, the whole situation wasn’t the least bit sexual. It was warm and comfortable and safe.
Tentatively, I reached out and found her waist. I watched her eyes widen a little as I wrapped my fingers around her back and pulled her a little closer to me. Her expression remained wary.
“Is this okay?” I asked. Again, I felt everything inside my body tense, waiting for the rejection.
“It’s okay,” Nicole said, and she placed her hand on the top of my arm, near my shoulder. It was almost as it had been when we were dancing at the banquet.
With my head back on the pillow and the warmth of Nicole’s body lining up with mine, I closed my eyes. Visions in my head paraded through again—blueberries, gloves, police car, fear, pain—but when I flinched at the memories, Nicole’s hand was there, running over my skin and up into my hair. She stroked my head, and as the long-ago images of September twenty-third scrolled through my head for the final time that day, I opened my eyes.
Her eyes were on mine, and she offered me a small, sad smile. My fingers tightened on her skin, holding her closer as my mind memorized everything it could see. When I closed my eyes again, the day repeated, ending with visions of deep blue irises and a feeling of warmth and security.
I woke from the most peaceful sleep I could ever remember having.
Enveloped in her scent, I slowly opened my eyes as I turned up my mouth in a smile. My nose was buried in her hair as Nicole lay with her back against my chest. My arm was still woven around her, and her
arm lay on top of mine with her fingers gripping the back of my hand. I closed my eyes, inhaled through my nose, and then blew the breath out of my mouth.
Tilting my head a little, I opened my eyes and tried to get a look at her sleeping face. The angle wasn’t really right for it, though, so I looked down her body instead. My fingers twitched against her skin where the hem of her T-shirt had ridden up a little, and I tried not to pay too much attention to how her breasts were rising and falling with her slow, steady breathing.
Go away, morning wood…
There was light coming through the window, and I realized it was pretty late in the morning, at least by my standards. At first, I felt a wave of panic, but I pushed it back. For one thing, there wasn’t anything I could do about it. For another…
Well…
Whatever might happen because of my missed morning run, it would be worth it just to stay here a little while longer.