I stop halfway to the barn and turn back to look at the cabin. Dim light shines from the single window over the kitchen sink, and I can see the shape of Seri’s head as she peers outside. I take a deep breath of cold air and blow it back out again, warming the fabric around my face.
I stand in the snow, staring at the window until she moves away. The whiskey is still making my head spin, and I just want it to stop. My stomach is doing flip-flops, and bile rises to the back of my throat as the memories play through my head over and over again.
Whack!
Blood hit my arms and face as he dropped to his knees without a single scream.
Whack!
Warm liquid spattered the walls, the television, and the coffee table. He fell face-first onto the carpet. I had to lean over and straddle his legs to hit him again. My back ached with every stroke, but that didn’t slow me down.
I grab my facemask, yank it down, and then drop to my hands and knees to vomit. Seri’s meal exits my mouth along with the whiskey. I keep heaving until my stomach is empty.
I wrinkle my nose at the frozen pile of vomit in front of me and then push myself up. I take a few steps backward, nearly trip over the ends of the snowshoes, then lean over and retch again. There’s nothing left inside of me, and I turn away from the mess I’ve made on the snow to get some fresh air back into my lungs. The dizziness subsides, and I slowly make my way back to the cabin door.
Inside, Seri greets me with a glass of water. I take it, grab my cigarettes, and sit down by the fire. I stare at the flames and puff on the cigarette without saying anything. Solo rubs up against my leg, and I reach over to stroke his fur as I toss the butt into the fire.
“It’s late,” Seri says quietly.
“If you want, I can sleep in the chair or on the floor or something,” I say. My throat is raw, and my words sound scratchy and forced.
“Why would you do that?”
“Now that you know…well, I figure you don’t want to be in bed with a murderer.”
“Bishop…” She sighs and shakes her head at me. “Just come to bed. It’s late, and you have to be exhausted.”
She must be right because I don’t have the energy to argue with her. She takes my hand, pulls me to my feet, and leads me to bed. I lie down close to the wall, and she climbs in beside me.
I don’t know why she’s doing this. I don’t understand why, after hearing that st
ory, she is still tucking the blanket around me and pulling my arm around her waist for warmth. I can’t fathom why she seems to be so calm after everything I have told her.
What else has she been through?
Chapter 12
I feel like complete and total shit.
My head is pounding. No matter how much water I drink, I can’t get rid of the headache or nausea. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before, and I can only assume I’m suffering from a hangover.
No wonder I don’t usually drink.
I place the half-empty bottle of Jameson on the top shelf of the cabinet and close the door. As far as I’m concerned, it can stay there until the snow melts.
Seri is still asleep with Solo curled up on her pillow. I have no idea what her reaction will be when she wakes up and remembers everything I told her last night. I’m having a hard time believing I was so drunk that I revealed damn near everything. I gave her details the forensic guys didn’t even have when I was prosecuted. They only suspected premeditation, but I came right out and told her it was.
“Fucking idiot,” I mutter under my breath.
I don’t know this woman at all. Sure, she’s told me a little bit about herself, but I don’t really know her. I have no idea what she will do with the information I provided. She could very well go straight to the police when she gets out of here, and I could go back to prison on a parole violation.
This is why I stay away from people. This is why I choose to live here in the middle of nowhere. This is the only place I have ever felt safe, and I just totally fucked that up. I would have been better off staying with Margot. If she were going to turn me in, she would have done so before now. Then again, she didn’t know the whole story. She also pointed out that I had served my time, and she probably didn’t give two shits about parole.
But Seri isn’t from around here. She grew up in the States, and she knows what a parole violation is. Her sister was murdered, and no one paid for the crime. She could very well decide to take that out on me, and I wouldn’t blame her too much if she did.
I can only blame myself for opening my big, idiotic mouth.
I glance at the sleeping woman in my bed as I remember the previous morning. Seri had completely denied everything that happened the night before, and it’s possible she would do that again. Is there such a thing as evening amnesia? Fuck if I know. I didn’t even complete my freshman year of high school before going to prison and was too pissed off and stubborn to take any of the college classes that were offered to me. I barely passed the GED they forced me to take in juvie, and it didn’t include any questions on psychology.