Outnumbered

“Who am I supposed to blame, huh? Seri? Do you think it’s her fault you decided to fuck both of us?”

“She doesn’t even know you exist! She thinks you’re dead!”

“I am dead!” Iris screams as she balls her hands into fists, nearly tearing the blanket as her nails dig into it. “He tried to kill me, but she’s the one who succeeded!”

Iris grits her teeth and pulls back her lips in a horrific display of frustration. Her head turns to the left, her mouth closes, and her eyes soften.

“That is not how it happened, and you know it.” The voice is calm and controlled, but it only lasts a second. Her head jerks to the right, and her voice changes tone.

“She’s the fucker who locked me away, and it’s worse than death!”

“You made your choice,” Netti’s calm voice says. “You can’t blame Seri for that, and you can’t blame Bishop, either.”

“He was mine! She didn’t have to fuck him!”

“She didn’t know. It’s not anyone’s fault, Iris. You have to be reasonable.”

“Fuck reasonable!”

Stupefied, I can do nothing but stand and watch helplessly. I want to call out to her, but I not only don’t know what to say, I have no idea which one I would be addressing. I haven’t felt this level of terror since I was a kid, and my father was still alive.

“This isn’t helping.”

“Blame it all on me then! It’s always my fault!”

“No one said it was your fault.”

“It all starts with me though, doesn’t it?” Iris tilts her head left and glares to the right. “Iris, the fuck up! Iris, the one who got us all into this mess!”

“You aren’t to blame for what he did.”

“He’s going to kill us! You know he will!”

“He does not know where we are.”

“He’ll find us. He always fucking finds us!” Iris turns her head to the ceiling and screams.

I hold my breath as every muscle in my body clenches. I feel like I’m watching a horror movie, and when I try to leave, the theatre exits are blocked. With nowhere to go, all I can do is watch, wide-eyed and immobile as she changes from Iris to Netti and back again.

Iris turns to me, and her face transforms but not into another entity. She is still Iris, just a different side of her as her anger disappears and tears stream down her face. She collapses to the floor and covers her face with her hands.

“Iris…” I drop to my knees in front of her. I reach out and take her into my arms while she sobs. My head is pounding either from trying to figure out what just happened or from all the yelling—I’m not sure which.

She shakes and sobs in my arms, no longer changing from one personality to another, and I know she is Iris—only Iris. She claws at my skin as if dangling from a cliff, and I am the only viable rock to cling to. I’m also shaking as my own terror of not knowing what to do tries to take over. I hold her as tightly as I can without crushing her and slowly rock us back and forth on the bare floor.

We stay like that until my knees ache, but I don’t move.

“I died on the river bank,” Iris finally whispers. “I died there, and she came back.”

“I don’t understand.” My knees can’t stand the pressure any longer, and I shift myself onto my ass, pulling Iris into my lap and cradling her.

“I know you don’t.” She sniffs and tilts her head up a little, tucking her face into the crook of my neck. “Don’t ask me to explain the unexplainable.”

“Maybe I’ll ask Netti.” I’m probably taking a risk with the suggestion, and my heart pounds as I wait for her to respond.

“Yeah, maybe she’ll tell you. Seri won’t. She understands less than I do, and we have to keep it that way.”

“Why?”