Outnumbered

“Just telling it like it is,” she says.

Margot stands at the door, eyeing Iris for a moment.

“You’re welcome,” Margot finally says. “Are you going to piss on his leg now?”

“Maybe.”

“Golden showers are not my thing, personally,” Margot replies, “but if you haven’t already, definitely have him pin you against the wall. It will blow your mind.”

I groan, Margot grins, and Iris glares. Margot holds the stare for just a few more seconds than is comfortable before looking back at me.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” Margot says. “If I hear anything else, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks.”

Margot heads out the door before Iris can make any further remarks. I shut the door and then lean heavily against it until I can get my head back on straight.

“Was that really necessary?” I ask Iris once I hear the snowmobile start again.

“Yes.” Iris crosses her arms over her chest. “She needs to understand that you’re mine now.”

“Isn’t it more important that I understand it?” I ask. “And really, when did we put a label on this?”

Iris saunters up to me, grabs me by the collar, and leans in close.

“‘Mine’ is the label.” She stares into my eyes. “Is that clear enough?”

“I suppose it will have to do.”

“Good.” She releases me and walks back to the Christmas tree and kneels down in front of it.

I watch as she just kneels there quietly for a minute. Then she reaches over for one of the cigarette packs and begins to fold the cardboard into a little red star. I shake my head and lean my elbows back on the counter. Iris’s unfinished glass of whiskey is still sitting there, so I grab it and drain it.

“Oh! Did Margot leave?” Seri turns her head to look over her shoulder. “I got all wrapped up in decorating and didn’t even say goodbye! She must think I’m horrible!”

I just shake my head, completely unable to cope with any of this right now. I grab a cigarette and sit by the fire to cook up some fish and hash browns. Solo patters over and tries to poke his paw into the plate of fish filets.

“Get out of that!” I push his nose away, and he meows at me. He tries a couple more times before stalking away in a huff.

“He just wants his share.” Seri rubs the cat’s back, but he doesn’t want attention at the moment.

Solo jumps into the bucket full of kindling, knocking sticks all over the place, and then onto the woodpile. He sits there for a moment, surveying his surroundings, then wiggles his butt and jumps onto the mantle over the fireplace. Before I can stand up to bring him back down, he knocks one of the candles over into the dry tinderbox, and the whole thing goes up in flames.

“Bishop!” Seri yells.

“I see it.” I rush into the bathroom closet and grab a fire extinguisher. The fire is out quickly, but the whole situation has me worried.

“He’s just curious,” Seri says as she holds a very smug cat in her lap.

“I realize that, but I can’t have him burning us up, either.”

“What can we do about it? That one lantern doesn’t give enough light for the whole room.”

I’m as tense as I could possibly be. First there was Margot’s visit, and now Solo is trying to burn my house down. Seri’s cheeriness honestly doesn’t help either. Now I realize I’m going to have to go into town before Solo manages to do more damage.

“I’m going to have to get more kerosene lanterns,” I tell Seri. “The candles are just too damn dangerous with him around.”

“I’m afraid he’s going to set himself on fire,” Seri says. She holds Solo up to her face and rubs his nose.