The Secret Note

He doesn’t reply. He’s breathing hard. His entire body is covered in sweat.

“You okay?” I finally say, turning to look at him.

“You’re better than I fantasized you’d be.”

“So are you.”

He turns to look at me. “You’ve fantasized about me?”

“Many times.”

“Don’t just say that.”

“I’m not. I’ve fantasized about you many, many times over the years.”

His face lights up. Clearly, he likes that admission.

“And you were right, by the way,” I say.

“About what?”

“Your skills are waaaayyy better than seven years ago.”

He laughs. “Well, fuckin’ oath. I hope so.” He props himself up on his elbow and touches my face with his free hand. “Kaylee, I can’t believe I’m here with you. I’ve thought about being with you again so many times through the years. I’ve stalked Carter’s Instagram for photos of you. Literally dreamed of you. Wacked off thinking about you. I’m not trying to creep you out here, okay? But you’ve been my sexiest fantasy for a very long time.”

I bite my lip but remain mute.

Ben twists his mouth like he’s mulling something over. “Am I freaking you out?”

“No.”

“Can I be totally straight with you?”

“Please.”

“When I’ve been with other girls, I’ve always compared them to you. Every fucking time. And I always, always wish they could be more like you. Wished they had your confidence. Your take-no-prisoners attitude.” He grins. “Not to mention your unbelievable body.”

I can’t help breaking into a wide smile. “Thank you.”

He continues, “In the back of my mind, I thought my fixation on you had to be because you were my first and nobody could ever compare to that thrill. That makes sense, right? But now that I’m here with you and I’m feeling this . . . I dunno . . . this incredible spark . . . Honestly, you’re blowing my mind all over again, Kaylee. And now I know it has nothing to do with you being my first. It had more to do with you being you.”

I put my hand on my heart. It’s racing. “Okay, yeah, you’re starting to freak me out just a little bit.”

His features tighten.

I put my hand on his muscled forearm. “Thank you for telling me all that. Don’t feel like you need to take it back. It’s amazing, Ben. Seriously, it is. But let’s just take this slow, okay? You’ve been fantasizing about me for a long time. I’ve turned into a fantasy girl without flaws. But I’m far from a perfect fantasy girl. I’m very real and flawed. There’s no way but down from here. I’m going to disappoint you.”

“I doubt it.”

“I will, Ben. What girl could live up to seven years of you thinking of one night? Let’s take it really slow and get to know each other. Let’s slowly let the fantasy give way to the less-than-perfect reality.”

He shrugs. “I agree we need time to get to know each other. Of course. But in the meantime, I don’t see the harm in me laying my cards on the table. Why play games? I’m attracted to you in a way I’ve never felt with anyone else—and trust me, I’ve had my share of fun. Eventually, just being honest here, my intention is to date you and only you, whenever you’re ready to give it a whirl.”

My lips part in surprise. “Well, that escalated fast.”

“Are you currently dating someone else?”

“No.”

“You want to keep looking? Keep your options open in case someone better comes along?”

I’m speechless. Honestly, I can’t fathom wanting anyone else for the foreseeable future, but agreeing to exclusivity after one amazing night would be unthinkable. Crazy. Pure insanity.

“Well, let’s start with this simple question,” Ben says, filling the awkward silence. “Are you interested in seeing me again?”

I scoff. “Of course.”

“And if our second date goes as well as this one, would you be interested in seeing me again after that?”

I can’t help smiling broadly. “Yes.”

“Okay, then we don’t have to call it dating. We’ll just keep seeing each other until it’s not as great as this. One date at a time. Does that sound doable?”

I bite my lower lip. “Yes.”

He sighs with relief. “See? That wasn’t scary, now was it?”

I shake my head.

“Now, can I please ask you one simple favor?”

I wait.

“While we’re going out on dates—not dating, mind you, because we’re not going to call it that—but while we’re still going out on dates and fucking—if you happen to meet someone else you want to fuck more than me, and we haven’t had any kind of conversation where you’ve told me you never want to see me again, could you please hold off on fucking that guy unless you’ve first let me know you’re not into me anymore?”

I blush and smirk. “Sure.”

“Thank you. And I’ll do the same for you. But just to be clear: unless you come to me and say, ‘Hey, Ben, I’m gonna fuck someone else,’ then I’m gonna assume I’m the only man in your bed and in your life. I’m gonna count on that.”