No, Boyd had put thoughts in my head… and a letter in my hands. I couldn’t believe he’d written to me. Who besides your Aunt Dorothy wrote letters?
Boyd did.
Don’t read it. Do not read it.
I tossed it in the trash can inside my door and went straight to bed. And stayed there. Fortunately, I was so tired from working… and from two previous nights of terrible sleep, that I was out cold.
The alarm jarred me awake, and I got up on auto-pilot, showered and went back to the hospital. Coffee fueled me, and I tried to keep my mind a blank. I couldn’t stop to think. I couldn’t slow down and realize my life had been turned upside down in a few short days. Not any hot guy, but a hot guy who ended up being a wolf. Nope, I wasn’t thinking about that. Nor about the way he made me feel when he got all protective. The way he lit my body on fire. His smile. His touch. His dick as it filled me.
I couldn’t think about him because when I did, it literally felt like I had a huge gaping hole in the middle of my chest, as if I’d been the one gored by the bull. I’d fallen all right, and I didn’t have the ability to magically regenerate the way Boyd did.
I worked late again, volunteering to stay and cover for a fellow doctor who wanted to see her son’s little league game and celebrate over pizza. Another thing I’d never get to do. When I got home, there was another letter on my doormat. I threw it away. Showered. Climbed in bed. This time, I barely slept. Went in early.
Doctors were no strangers to lack of sleep and long hours. In this case, it was a haven for me. A place I could bury my head and not ever think again.
Not ever feel again. Numb was good. Numb was safe.
24
BOYD
“You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?” Rob asked, walking up behind me. “You’ve been a sulky fucker for days now.”
I’d been pitching rocks at a telephone pole for the past three hours. Pitching them so hard I’d embedded hundreds of stones into the wood, so it looked like it had been turned into a mosaic. I leaned against the fence, one foot propped up on the bottom rail. My hat was tipped back, and I’d heard him walking over from the house, but I’d ignored him. I couldn’t do that now, the nosy asshole.
Two days. I’d poured my heart out to Audrey in a letter. When she didn’t answer that one, I’d written another. I’d keep writing them until she answered. I was trying to do the right thing, to tell her the truth, to give her everything I couldn’t say aloud. Everything I wished I’d said from the beginning.
Except I suspected she hadn’t even read them.
Which meant I might have to make a grander gesture. If only I knew what would win her back. Crawling, begging and groveling weren’t off the table.
I’d planned on talking to Rob about Audrey, but I’d been pissed off at him. I’d been too hurt to see straight. It took everything in me not to hop in my truck and go to her. My wolf was not happy with me for staying away. Besides dropping the letters on her stoop, I’d steered clear of everyone. Especially my brother.
Even though it wasn’t really his fault. Still, if he hadn’t talked about her in front James, fucking Karen wouldn’t have had the fuel to start a fire.
That stupid female had been trying to land a Wolf brother since we were kids. She’d been working hard at snagging me since I’d been back. I’d told her at the bar I wasn’t interested, made it obvious when I left with Audrey. But no. It figured she’d step in to cause me trouble when I finally found my mate.
She was a bitch, plain and simple. To go to Audrey’s house? I could only imagine the extent of the lies she’d fed to my mate. Lies that were only perpetuated by my actions. Or, hell, my lack of action.
Rob stood there waiting, his patience one of his best traits as alpha, but also really fucking annoying. He wasn’t leaving this time, and that was good because I had a lot to say. A lot to unload if I was going to work through the shit in my head.
“I’m sorry I got our parents killed,” I said, without looking at him. “I’m sorry you became alpha at eighteen. Sorry you didn’t go to college because you had to raise me. I’m surprised you want to look at my face. There, I said it. I’m sorry, but that’s not going to bring them back. I’m not gonna play the role of the fuck-up any more.”