“It’s not that I don’t want you to give me head.” He leans forward and brushes some of my hair back from my face. “I always want that, doll. But I get the feeling you didn’t like my surprise. What gives?”
I suck my cheek into my mouth and consider what to say. “It’s definitely a surprise,” I say cautiously. “But the thing is, I could never afford a place like this on my own. So I give up my cheap student housing—and I had to use some serious hacking skills to make sure I won that lottery when it came open—and then what happens when we’re done?”
Paolo goes perfectly still. He never shows much, but I can tell whatever I said upset him. “What do you mean when we’re done?”
And that’s when it hits me—Paolo Tacone might be playing for keeps.
And I’m not sure why that scares me even more than our current arrangement.
He cups my chin and lifts it to examine my face. “Let me ask you something… are you keeping track?”
Keeping track. He means of how much I owe him.
I nod, even though I’m pretty sure it’s going to piss him off.
It does. He releases me abruptly and gets up, stepping over me to pace to the window. In the reflection, I watch him scrub a hand over his five o’clock shadow and stare down at the cars below.
Crap.
I am in over my head here. I don’t know what’s going through his mind, or if I even want to know.
But I do get that I just hurt his feelings.
A feat I didn’t believe possible until this moment.
I walk over and touch his arm.
He jerks it up and I flinch, but he was only moving to loop his arm around me. I relax and let him and he draws me close. “You’re scared of me.” He sounds stunned. Like he hadn’t considered that possibility. I guess I’ve done a good job hiding it. My overly-familiar act sucked him right in.
I can’t answer, because I don’t want to acknowledge what’s obviously an offensive notion to him.
He releases me and gives a shake of his head. “You want out of our arrangement?”
My breath stands still. It’s a simple question. And considering I have been keeping track, you’d think it would be an easy answer. But when I open my mouth, nothing comes out.
“No,” I finally croak.
He lifts his brows like he doesn’t believe me. “No? I can find another way for you to pay me back. A couple years working IT at the casino when you graduate. You don’t even have to see me again. Would you prefer that?”
Why is my heart breaking at this questioning? I should be jumping at the offer. It’s far safer. Much more reasonable.
Instead I wrap my arms around his thick trunk. “I don’t want out of the arrangement. But I am scared.”
He burrows his fingers into the back of my hair and cradles my head. He tips my face up and leans his forehead against mine. “But you like to be afraid, right, little hacker?”
A soft puff of laughter leaves my lips. Once again, I’m surprised at how easily he sees my quirks. “You got me.”
His thumb moves behind my neck, stroking there. “I thought we understood each other.” His dark gaze sears my face. “Was I wrong?”
I shake my head. Because my anxieties have fled. It’s illogical and unreal, but in these moments, I do believe I understand Paolo Tacone perfectly. And I believe he understands me.
It’s when I’m away from him I realize none of this is safe, sane or consensual. None of this makes sense.
He runs his thumb over my lower lip, then tilts my head and drops his to brush his lips across mine. “Let’s get this straight once and for all. I play rough. I like to say I own you. Order you around and remind you what you owe me. But all of that makes you hot. Am I wrong?”
“No.”
“You like being owned by me.”
I hesitate.
His eyes narrow as he studies me. “What am I missing?”
“Nothing. No, you’re right. But what I think is hot and what I think is smart or safe, aren’t necessarily the same things.”
He cups my nape. “Baby, I never hurt you.”
“You kidnapped me and held my brother for ransom.”
He drops his head to the side. “Well, you had it coming. You stole from me.”
A giggle escapes my lips. This man is possibly as nuts as I am. “True.” I put my hands on his chest and step closer. “So what are we really talking about? This is more than a business arrangement?”
He releases me and rubs his forehead. “Do you want it to be?”
I cast my gaze about the room as if the answer to this might appear somewhere on the freshly painted walls. “I-I don’t know. I mean, I don’t even know what I’d bring to something more than that. I’m just a crazy hacker who gives good head.”