I’m still boneless and limp from the finger-fucking. I’m no longer desperate for his touch, but I’m primed for more. I want him to take me hard and rough. To remind me how a man like him fucks.
I spread my knees, watching as he unbuttons his shirt and shucks the undershirt. He’s as I imagined—brawny, hairy-chested. Tattooed on both shoulders and down one forearm.
He gets rid of his shoes, pants and boxers and climbs over me, a condom already out of its packet. I watch as he rolls it on his large, veiny cock, lift my pelvis up to receive him.
He eases into me. “So fucking tight, baby. You squeeze my cock so good.” It’s great until he tips his body over mine, bracing his arms beside my head and suddenly, I get that fight or flight response.
The one I got with Jake every time we tried to have sex. The one that comes with the queasy sick feeling.
I try to swallow it down, but my hands are already pushing at Tony’s chest.
He rears immediately back, pulls out. “What happened?” He sounds alarmed.
I sit up and shake my head, tears of frustration spearing my eyes. Why do I have to get weird now? Dammit, I thought things with Tony would be different. It was going so well.
“Angel, what? Did I hurt you? You got scared? I know I’m a big guy, but you’ve taken me before.”
I cover my mouth trying to force the tears back. I’ve already cried once tonight. This is getting ridiculous. I’m not the kind of girl who cries. Ever.
He puts a knuckle under my chin to lift it. His expression is dark. “Who forced you?”
Surprise shoots through me like an electric shock. I want to deny it, yet all the nausea and heaviness immediately lifts. Like Tony’s named the problem and my body’s relieved I’m finally hearing it.
I scramble off the bed, wanting to be anywhere but in my skin. Wanting to think about anything but what he’s suggested.
I swallow.
Tony takes a careful step forward, like I’m a wild filly about to bolt. “You can tell me.” His voice is soft and dangerous. “I won’t kill him.” He cocks his head to the side. “Not unless you want me to.”
I’m suddenly shivering uncontrollably. “I don’t know,” I croak.
In a flash, I’m wrapped up in his strong arms, our naked bodies pressed together, his hard cock nudging my belly. Instantly, my body comes alive again, humming and vibrating from the touch of his skin. I toss my bound arms around his neck and jump, straddling him.
“I don’t want to think,” I whimper and bite his ear. “I don’t want to know.” I lick down his neck, bite his shoulder. “It was so easy with you. Make it hot again, Tony.”
Tony walks forward until my back hits a wall. “You want it hot, songbird? Ever been fucked against a wall?”
I shake my head and look down at our hips. He slides one arm under my leg so it rests draped over his forearm, and lines his cock up with my entrance. The condom’s still on, his erection still coated with my nectar.
He spears me, getting deeper than I would’ve guessed possible.
I thump my head back and close my eyes because my nervous system is shorting out from sensation. Tony eases back and thrusts in, filling me so full I fear I’ll come apart. My spine slides up on the wall, my toes curl where they’re wrapped around his thick torso. He plants one arm against the wall and holds my ass with the other. Every stroke is brutal and raw, like him.
I’ve already forgotten everything, flying on the rollercoaster of the moment. Drinking in the hedonistic pleasure of having my body and soul so thoroughly commanded. So used. So abused.
I don’t wonder why I like it this way. I don’t give two shits. All I care about is reaching the peak of this next crest, of falling over the edge with Tony, my partner in this beautiful crime.
Take me. Use me. Make me forget. Make me remember. Make me.
Make me yours, the muse murmurs.
Shut up, muse.
Not shutting up.
I’ve been shut up for too long.
You forgot you were alive.
It’s true. In that moment, I can see the truth. Not of everything. Not of the shadowy, sick thing that happened on my back with a man looming over me. The thing that must’ve happened before Tony. Before Jake.
No, but I see the truth of what it did to me. How I numbed myself to keep that thing in shadow.
Tony roars, his fingers digging into my ass. He shoves in deep and jerks, and I open my eyes to watch him come, like an Olympic athlete, all prowess and power.
I come, too, my body so pliant in his hands, I have no choice but to synchronize with him, my channel squeezing his cock, coaxing more cum from him.