I felt his skin up against my back as he reached from behind me, his long fingers wrapping around mine to take the angel. My heart short-circuited. “Let me do it.” His mouth was close to the back of my head and my eyes closed. I was either being ridiculous or I’m being sensitive. I wasn’t ready to explore other reasons as to why I was reacting to Royce.
I pull myself out of my memory. That was the last Christmas that Royce was with us, after that, we stopped celebrating while Mom mourned the ‘death’ of her only son.
I finish up my makeup with a loud exhale and pack everything away, shoving my phone into my back pocket and finally heading out of the bathroom.
The drive to the other side of town was longer than what I was expecting. I think that had more to do with the fact that the silence in the car was beyond awkward or sad. It was eerie. We pull up to the curb of the clubhouse. What do I say? ‘Thanks for ruining me just that much more, James. Just when I think you couldn’t get any worse, you go ahead and prove me wrong.’ I see Slim at the gate, through my side mirror. He takes a couple steps closer to the car and I panic. I need to get out.
James’ hand comes to my thigh and I have to fight with all of my impulses not to fly away from him. “Do I need to threaten you about the importance of our situation? You and I?” You and me. It’s what James has always said, in the hopes that over the years it will condition me to believe that we’re both doing this together. That’s what abusers do.
“No,” I whisper softly, my voice stern. Taking extra-long to get ready before coming was enough time for me to build up the wall I needed to hide my pain and hurt. The soul never exposes itself unless needed. “Never.”
He releases my leg. “I’ll contact you this week. We’re needed again at L’artisaniant.”
My mouth snaps closed, a fizzle of light sparking inside of my chest. “Okay.” I reach for the door handle, my legs restless to get me out of the car and away from James. Bile rises in my throat as I swallow it back down. “I’ll wait to hear from you.” Slipping out of the car, I shut the door and head for the gates as he pulls the car away, the bright taillights disappearing into the distance.
“You okay, Jade?” Slim asks, his eyebrows curved in worry.
I flash a smile, slipping between the opening gates. “I’m fine.” Music thumps in the distance and I wonder if all they do is party, before remembering it’s the weekend. Of course they’re partying.
“You’re late,” Royce snaps in the darkness. I flinch, turning to face him. He’s walking toward me, a drink in one hand and a cigarette between his fingers in the other. He’s wearing a hoodie beneath his club vest, faded blue denim jeans that are torn at the knees, and his military boots. Warmth fills my heart at the sight of him, which makes no sense. I shouldn’t be filled with anything but hate when it comes to Royce. Realization imprints the truth into my brain. Our souls have recognized each other. It’s also no secret how hot Royce is, has always been. I’d be lying to myself if I had said I’ve never been attracted to him, it’s just… I’ve never wanted to admit it.
“I didn’t realize I was on a time schedule,” I snide, rolling back my shoulders and heading toward him. “I need a drink.”
“Do I need to be worried about your drinking?” he asks, flicking the ash off his cigarette and bringing it to his soft lips. Thud, Thud. Thud. Oh my god, I can’t breathe. His eyes squint from the smoke floating near his pupils, and I lean forward, taking it from between his lips and putting it between mine.
“Fuck You” by Dr. Dre is playing loudly from the house, with people yelling between their sips of alcohol and tokes of weed. The majority of them are near the octagon. “No, you don’t have to be worried about a thing.” I walk past him to start my search for Bonnie or Silver to get me a drink, when his fingers catch mine and he jerks me backward.
I fall into his chest. Thud. Thud. His familiar scent like walking through the front door of my home. He swipes my hair from my face before his fingers flex around the back of my neck and he forces my face up to his. Nose to nose. My eyes plunge to his lips, my breathing stops. I squeeze the cigarette between my fingers to help with my self-control.