Chapter 1—Abruptly Change
I had just felt the most incredible and indescribable sensation my body had ever produced. Words to describe the feeling that had just overwhelmed my body, inside and out, were not forthcoming.
“Branford?” My breathing had finally come back to a more normal state, and I felt as though I could speak again. My husband’s hand was running lazily from the top of my head to my waist in the same manner as it had in the mornings when I woke in his arms.
“Yes, Alexandra?” I could feel his smile where his lips touched my forehead.
“What…um…” I paused, not really knowing how to ask my question. Whatever it was he had just done to me was without description. Even though my breathing was as it should be, and my heart had stopped pounding beneath my breast, my legs were still throbbing, and I was quite sure I would not be able to stand if I tried. “Um, what was that?”
“That,” Branford said, “was what a man can do for his wife. That is how you are supposed to feel when your husband lies with you.”
His smile was more noticeable against my temple as he pressed his lips there. I considered his words for a moment and thought about what my body had done—how I had felt. The sensations had been uncontrollable, and I wondered if he had the same experience.
“Is that what you feel, too?”
“I’m not sure it’s exactly the same,” he said, “but I think it must be similar.”
It was no wonder he looked at me the way he did if it was such a feeling he desired. I closed my eyes and tried to remember exactly what it had felt like. Though it had been only a few minutes before, I found the memory not exactly fading but incomplete, like the feeling itself could only be experienced, not remembered. I wondered if Branford had felt it as well, but I didn’t think he had. When his hand had been between my legs, touching and rubbing against me, I had cried out, unable to stop myself. Branford had not.
“Did you…feel like that? Just now?” I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. Branford smiled and glanced away for a moment before answering me.
“No, not just now. I will feel like that when I am inside of you.”
Branford touched the side of my face, and his thumb stroked my cheekbone. He smiled and his eyes sparkled in the fading firelight.
“Believe me,” he said softly, “when I feel like that, you will know.”
I blushed as I tucked my head down against his chest and thought about my own reactions to the feeling. I found myself wondering just what Branford would do and how I would know. It had been such an intense, wonderful feeling, and knowing he had not felt that way as well had me wondering if he regretted what he had done.
“Shouldn’t you have, um…felt like that?” I asked. “I mean, not just me?”
He pressed his hand to my cheek, and I turned my head to look upon him again.
“I did thoroughly enjoy your hand on me,” he said. He raised his eyebrows a little and grinned. “If you had kept touching me that way…well, it’s best that you stopped.”
“Why?”
“Because I promised to give you time to be ready,” he said simply, “and I would have wanted you here—tonight. I still did. I still do, but I will wait until tomorrow.”
The other times I had reminded him that he did not have to wait had only displeased him, so I just nodded my head in agreement. I was truly far too exhausted to reply. Branford pushed lightly against my head, bringing it to rest on his chest. I closed my eyes, vaguely aware that my nightdress was still bunched about my waist, and fell into one of the deepest slumbers of my life. It was still dark when I opened my eyes again, but my body was relaxed, still, and tranquil. I was no longer fearful of his presence as I had been before.
Looking at his sleeping face, I found I wanted to touch him again. I wanted to run my hand along his jaw, trace his brows with my fingers, and touch my lips to his, but I did not wish to wake him. He looked peaceful, and I did not want to disturb his rest.
The fire was down to coals, and there was a distinct chill on the top of my shoulders, which were neither covered by the blankets nor Branford’s embrace. Twisting my body a little, I managed to untangle myself from Branford’s hold. Though my body was free, I realized his fingers were also wrapped tightly around the gathered cloth of my nightdress, and I had to pry them away before I could get out of the bed. I pulled the garment back up and over my shoulders, quite aware how much the night temperature had dropped, now that I was without blankets. I went quickly to the chamber pot before stoking the fire near the bed. Once the flames were high again, I decided to build up the fire in the morning room as well. It was nearly out, and I had to blow gently on the coals in order to nurture flames to ignite the wood.
Rising, I looked to the shuttered, east-facing window and saw a thin sliver of light peering through the small hole in the coverings. I remembered Branford throwing one of the logs through the air and into the shutter and realized it now needed repair. The damage wasn’t serious, but too much cold air now came from the outside. I thought I would point it out to Branford but then wondered if he would want to be reminded of that night. I decided not to mention it at all because I didn’t know how he might react. Either he would notice it himself, or someone else would. Maybe I could find what would be needed to repair it myself. He certainly wouldn’t want anyone inside his rooms to fix it.
With the fires blazing in both rooms, I returned to the bed. Branford was on his back, with his hand resting against his stomach and his head turned toward where I had been beside him. His brows were knitted together in sleep but seemed to relax as I climbed back to my place beside him. Being careful not to wake him, I lay my head on his shoulder, pulled the blankets back up around us, and wrapped one of my arms aro
und his waist. He reached up and gripped my forearm as it lay across his body, and his opposite arm wrapped around my back, holding me close to him. I was instantly warm again even though the heat from the fire had barely reached us. I found myself smiling as I closed my eyes and relaxed back into his strong, safe arms.
*****
I knew Branford was already awake before I opened my eyes, for I could feel his hand touching my hair, stroking it down to my waist and back again. I took a deep breath and sighed, trying to cover my yawn as I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyes were bright and his look soft as he gazed down at me with a half smile. I shivered a little as he rested his hand on the small of my back and traced his fingers lightly across my hip.
“Good morning,” he said with his voice full of sleep.
“Good morning, my…Branford,” I replied, embarrassed again at my continual mistake.
“Did you get cold?” Branford asked. His smile grew broader as his fingers grazed lightly over the material covering my shoulders.
“When I got up earlier, it was cold,” I said.
“You tended the fires.”
“Yes.”
“You will definitely spoil me,” Branford said.
“You said you wanted me to.”
“That I did,” he replied. “I only hope you do it because you want to and not because you think you have to.”