I wanted her back more, though.
Having her back meant having her back and pregnant.
I ran to the bathroom and relieved myself of lunch.
I fiddled with the card in the bottom of my pocket as I thought about the faith Dr. Baynor had in me. It made me wonder if there wasn’t some slim possibility I could do something to make all this right again. I knew there was
a lot more to think about, more than I was even capable of at the moment, but the first bit—talking to Tria and telling her what an ass I was—I had to do that before I could even begin to accomplish anything else.
It would all have been a lot easier if I could shoot up once more, though. Baynor had decided to confiscate my cash though he said I could have any of it I needed—just let him know. I agreed to it. I would have agreed to almost anything if it would bring her back.
If I couldn’t find her at Hoffman, I had no idea where to look next.
I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and went through the bedroom and out the window. Krazy Katie was out there, of course, but I didn’t say anything to her. I leaned back against the bricks and lit up, finally allowing myself to glance over at Krazy Katie. She was actually looking at me for once, and I could only figure her look was her version of the death glare.
“What’s your problem?” I asked, but she didn’t respond. She did keep looking at me, which was giving me the creeps.
I smoked half my cigarette with her giving me the stink-eye before I turned on her again.
“Would you cut that shit out? What the fuck did I ever do to you?”
With that, Krazy Katie turned her head away from me, reached back behind her legs to push herself up to a standing position, and then turned her whole body in my direction. She took a few steps forward until she was right in front of me, then reached up and slapped me across the face.
I just stood there, stunned.
Krazy Katie turned around slowly, sat back down, and then glared back at me with a look that shot a very clear message. She knew. She knew Tria had left me. Hell, she probably even knew why. I dropped down next to her on the fire escape floor and lit another cigarette.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said to her, wondering how crazy it was for me to be confiding in a crazy person. “At this point, she can have whatever the fuck she wants—even a baby. I’d do anything right now just to get her to come back, but I have no idea where she is.”
“Needs training,” Krazy Katie said.
I scowled over at her.
“Is that supposed to make sense?”
Nothing.
I tried to coax more out of her—both with soft words and harsh ones—but she would have none of it. Apparently slapping my face, glaring at me, and uttering two words were the only actions she was capable of for the night. Eventually I gave up and went back inside. My whole body still felt sore and tired, so I ended up just dropping on the bed and trying not to think about ways of getting more dope.
I lay back on the pillow and then immediately turned my head to inhale Tria’s scent from the blankets she was always stealing from me in the middle of the night. It just made my chest hurt, so I sat back up and leaned forward over my knees.
Needs training.
What would I need training on?
Hell, what don’t I need training on?
Or maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe she meant Tria needed some training, but on what? How to be a mother? How to deal with me? Not sure where she’d get that except from…
…a trainer.
My trainer.
I was never one for jigsaw puzzles, but the pieces suddenly fell into place.
Chapter 3—Reveal the Past
A moment later I was out of the bed, grabbed my jacket, and ran out the door to find the bus to Yolanda’s neighborhood. She lived out on the west side of town where it was a little nicer. Normally, I would have needed a couple bus transfers, but Baynor had all my money, so I hoofed it. An hour later I was banging on Yolanda’s door, and when it opened, my trainer stared at my face.