“That was really nice,” she hummed.
“Fucking awesome, I thought.”
Tria giggled, and my cock twitched at the sound but quickly gave up and decided a nap was in order.
I covered her bare stomach with my hand, fingers outstretched. It was hard to imagine that there was some little being growing in there, just hanging out and waiting to get big enough to come out and live on its own. There wasn’t much of a bump or anything to show for it yet, but according to the doctor, it was definitely there.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Tria said softly.
“Yeah,” I agreed.
More than anything, it was familiar. Familiar in a way I didn’t like at all.
Though it was all new to Tria, I had been here and done this before—the initial terror that flowed into growing excitement for the possibilities to come. The problem was, I couldn’t get past the terror now.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“That I’m fucking scared shitless,” I admitted.
Tria nodded.
“I am too, you know,” she said.
“You are?” My heart started to pound, and I felt like a total shit for making her worry.
“I don’t think we’re afraid of the same things, but yes—I’m scared.”
“What are you scared of?”
“Being a parent,” sh
e said. “I have no idea how to be a parent. I mean, my dad was great, but we had so little time together. My mother is hardly an example of awesome parenting skills to be followed. I haven’t had much of an example.”
I touched the end of her chin and turned her head to face me.
“You will be a fabulous mother,” I told her. “You’ll even compensate for how fucking clueless I am.”
She smiled and shook her head a bit.
“I mean it,” I insisted. “You’ll be wonderful.”
“I’m glad you have confidence in me,” she replied. “I’m not so sure. I mean, I’ve never even changed a diaper.”
I laughed.
“Me either.”
“We’re screwed,” Tria said with a succinct nod.
“Totally fucked,” I agreed.
She settled back against my shoulder, and I continued to rub the not-quite-there-yet belly-bump while my mind wandered through my own childhood.
The most predominant theme of the memories was my mother.
I thought about listening to her read when I was dozing off and the way her hair felt when I tugged on it. I remembered how careful she was to always make sure I had my seatbelt fastened tightly before moving the car and how she would make me order my own food in a restaurant even when I was feeling shy. Most clearly, I remembered her laugh and her smile.
I also remembered the look on her face when I got up from the table and left the house for the last time and how she covered her mouth when I dragged Tria from the dance floor at Ryan’s reception.