“You need another body in your bed so you can sleep. What does it matter if it’s me or not?”
“Not all of them work.”
“Why?” she asks again. “Do you even know the answer? What difference does it make who it is? I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who want a guy to take care of them.”
“I want it to be you.” I huff out a breath and run my hand over my head. “I’ve tried lots of other girls. I’ve done hookers and women I meet in bar
s. None of them ever work out. Either they get scared off because I’m fucked up, or they just…just drive me nuts. You’re different.”
“In what way?”
“You’re…you’re quiet.” I don’t know if I’m making any sense or not. “You don’t ask me a lot of questions. You don’t pry into my business or my past. You know who I am, but you keep coming back with me. You know…you know some of the things I’ve done in the past, but you aren’t afraid of me. You know what I need when I need it.”
She sets her purse down on the dresser and walks back to the bed. She sits beside me and places her hand on my thigh.
“Tell me what you really need, Evan.” Her voice is soft—kind, even.
“I don’t want to be alone. With everything going on right now, I can’t trust myself to be alone. Trying to find you when I need you just puts me on edge.”
She runs her hand down my thigh and tightens her grip around my knee. She wets her lips and then turns to face me.
“I don’t know what’s going on in your head,” Alina says quietly. “I want to help you, Evan. Honestly, I do. I’m not sure this is the answer.”
“Will you try it?” I look up, hopeful. “I mean, maybe just for a few days or something?”
“A trial, live-in hooker?”
“Yes.”
“Evan, this is crazy.”
“I’m a little crazy.” I shrug. Some things just can’t be denied. “You already know that.”
“You’ve been hurt, Evan. You’re suffering. That’s not the same thing.”
“Tell that to all the shrinks who have diagnosed me.” I try to crack a smile, but I can’t quite pull it off. I speak slowly as I look at her. “You know enough about me to know I’m a mess.”
“You are a mess,” Alina says with a nod. “It’s an understandable mess though. You’ve been through a lot and you’re going through a lot right now. Your job has to be incredibly stressful even when things are going well. I think being a mess under those circumstances is normal rather than crazy.”
I’ve never thought about it that way. I suppose my job can get a little complicated, but I’ve never considered it stressful. In fact, it’s the job that keeps me cool. All the other stuff that happens in life is what gets to me. However, I don’t want to argue with her about it. I just want her to agree to stay.
“You’ll stay, then?” I ask.
She stares at her hand where it still grips my knee. She turns to me slowly, studying me for a long minute as she contemplates.
“All right,” she finally says. “We’ll do this for one week. After that, I go back home, and we both think about it.”
“I can live with that.” Actually, the idea of her leaving after only a week makes my stomach flutter, but I’ll cope with it. That’s a decent amount of time to get her to change her mind. “But you’ll stay the whole week, right? No backing out.”
“No backing out,” she agrees.
I really want this to work.
Chapter 16—Startling Discovery
The liquor store is simply gross.
My shoes are sticking to the floor and making that horrible squeaky-scratch sound when I lift my feet. I can see little grey footprints all over the place from everyone else who has been in here, and I wonder how much of it is from vomit. It’s disgusting.