“Well, I didn’t!” As much as I might have hated Jillian, I wouldn’t have done something like that. The idea that Raine thought I was capable of taking out a contract on my ex pissed me off. “For fuck’s sake, Raine!”
I shook my head and let out an exasperated sigh.
“Well, who then?” she asked.
“I have my theories,” I admitted. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is, they’re dead, and now Franks is holding my kid for ransom, basically.”
“He wants money?” Raine said, confused. “I would think he’d have plenty of that.”
“He’d always take more money,” I said with a humorless laugh, “but no, he’s not asking for any money from me.”
Raine’s face went pale.
“What does he want?” she said so quietly that again, I could barely make out the words.
She already knows.
I looked down at my hands on my leg. The words wouldn’t come at first even though they were right there in my head. As soon as they were said, I wouldn’t be able to take them back again. When I looked back at her, I could see she had herself braced for whatever impact the statement I was going to lay on her would have, so I went with it.
“He wants me to compete again,” I said. “He wants me to fight in another tournament.”
Her eyes flew open.
“He wants…he wants…he wants what?” She pushed back with her heels against the cushion and pulled her legs up to her chest. Her mouth stayed open like she was going to say something else, but no words came out. Her face said it all. Whatever she had been expecting, this wasn’t it.
Okay, so maybe I misjudged that one.
“I have to fight in one more tournament,” I repeated. “Just the one, and then he’ll give me my kid.”
“You mean…you mean like…like killing people?”
Ah shit, this was going to go even worse than I thought. It wasn’t that I expected her to take any of it well, but she was flipping out.
“No,” Raine said. Her eyes widened again. “No, Bastian! You can’t do that! You can’t do one of those…those death matches again!”
She stood up and took a step closer to me. With her fists balled up on her hips, she glared down at me.
“No way, Bastian!” she yelled at me. “If you decide to fight again, that’s it. We’re through, drunk or not! I can’t be with someone who would do something like that again!”
The focal point I had managed to find disintegrated. Tingles of dread crawled over my skin as her words sank in. Maybe she’d forgive a single misstep when it came to drinking, but this was too much for her. The idea of me killing again wasn’t something she would be able to handle, and she’d run.
I couldn’t do this without her. If she left, I was dead.
If she left, she was dead, too.
My greatest fear was actualized. At least for now, I was going to speak without thought.
“I don’t have a fucking choice, Raine!” I bellowed. “It’s not like I’m itching to kill people off! If I wanted to do that, there are plenty of people in this fucking building I’d like to see dead!”
Well, shit. I knew I was going to fuck this up, but part of me thought she would guess as to the nature of my meeting with Landon. None of his words had really surprised me. They weren’t expected, but as soon as they were out of his mouth, I had accepted them.
“Don’t say things like that!” she yelled back at me.
“Well, it’s fucking true!” I had already lost the focus I had managed to collect on the beach. I was full of adrenaline at this point, and I was resigned to make it all worse with my stupid mouth.
I should have stuck with the profuse apologies.
“Some of them fucking deserve it!”