“Maybe this is all a big mistake.”
Chapter 6
I blink a few times as I try to process his words. Mistake? Rape? What happens if he goes back to Sean and tells him this isn’t going to work out? What if he tells him he doesn’t want me? Who gets me then?
Sean could—and would—do anything he wanted with me then. He made it clear he never intended to marry me, and God knows what he did to his father to keep that from happening. Would he give me to Lucas, that lecherous older man, or would there be some other, worse fate in store for me?
Deklan may have been unexpected, but so far, he has been kind. He said he would take care of me like a husband should, that he wouldn’t hurt me, and that he isn’t going to kill me. Right now, he is the best option I have, and I can’t let it slide.
My throat tightens for a moment, and I have to force air into my lungs before I can respond.
“You’re my husband. You can’t rape me.”
“Jesus.” Deklan breathes the curse sharply. “Who the fuck told you that?”
“My father.”
“Your father is an asshole.”
I bite my lip as I stare at Deklan’s harsh eyes, and memories of shouts from my parents’ bedroom drown out any sounds in the room. I remember the sound of Mom’s crying and Dad’s angry growls telling her to “just take it” as rhythmic thumps against the wall rattled the house.
“I want you to,” I say again. My voice sounds small, and I have to clear my throat.
“It’s all right if we wait,” Deklan says again.
“I don’t want to wait.” I manage to sound definitive this time. “This is our wedding night, and we’re supposed to do this now. I’m not resisting. I…I want you to do it to me.”
“What do you want me to do?” Deklan asks.
“Um…make love to me?”
“Jesus.” He closes his eyes and takes a long, slow breath. I can see tension in his jaw, and he presses his lips together tightly. I dare to glance down just in time to see his cock twitch. “Kera…”
As his voice fades, I take a step closer to him and then hesitate. If I move any nearer, I’ll bump i
nto his dick. Maybe I should. Maybe he would like that. Maybe I’m supposed to do that, but still, I falter. I reach out for him instead, wrapping my fingers around his forearms.
“I want to,” I say again. I look up into his eyes, holding his gaze as best I can. My heart is pounding in my ears. I recall his remark about how young I am. I feel young. Young, inexperienced, insecure, and desperate.
Deklan moves his hand to my cheek and rubs his thumb across my skin as he stares into my eyes. He leans down and brushes his lips over mine. Instant relief washes over me, and I raise myself up onto my toes and push back against his lips until he opens his mouth. This time, I don’t wait for him, but push my tongue into his mouth.
He moans and pulls me closer for a moment before breaking the kiss.
“We’ll go slow,” Deklan says. He swallows hard and places his hands on my hips as I slide my fingers up to his biceps. I can’t get my fingers even halfway around them, and the distance between us reminds me of grade school dances.
Deklan takes one of my hands and guides it to his shaft, using his hands to wrap my fingers around it. I move my hand with his, stroking him up and down. It’s hard and thick, but the skin is surprisingly soft. I can feel the edge of a long vein running along the underside, and Deklan moans when I run my finger over it.
“Go ahead,” he says as he lets go of my hand. “Touch me some more.”
I stare down at my fingers as I continue to stroke over the skin. I tighten my fingers around the shaft to see how far they will reach, and Deklan hums. When I glance at his face, there’s a slight smile and a sparkle in his eye. I loosen my grip and reach beneath to touch that vein again. Deklan seems to like that as well, and I run my hand up to the base of his scrotum. The skin of his balls isn’t as soft as his cock, and I can feel a harder lump inside the sack. I give it a little squeeze just to see how hard it is.
“Careful!” Deklan lets out a hiss. “Those are kind of sensitive.”
“I’m sorry!” I start to pull my hand back, but he grabs my wrist.
“It’s all right,” he says. “Just a little softer touch.”
I bite my lip, now terrified of doing something else wrong. I start to touch him again, but I hesitate.