I swallow hard as I look at my husband’s blank expression. Despite his efforts to remain emotionless, I can see the tension in his jaw and the tightness in his shoulders. I pull myself up on my knees and crawl into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and laying my head against his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry, Deklan. I’m sorry that happened to you and your family. You were so young. No one should have to go through all that.”
Deklan doesn’t speak. He coils his arms around me and holds me to his chest and rests his head on top of mine.
“It feels weird,” he says, “telling someone all of that.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“I’m not sure.” Deklan sighs. “I don’t think you need to be burdened with my past. You’ve got your own trauma.”
“I don’t remember it,” I say with a shrug. “My therapist said I blocked it all out. Sometimes I dream about it, but I can’t recall the details.”
“I didn’t know you had a therapist.” Deklan runs his thumb back and forth along my wrist, and I relax with the touch.
“I haven’t seen her since we got married.”
“Do you want to see her?”
“I haven’t given it much thought,” I say. “I used to see her regularly, but I didn’t think I was getting a lot out of it, and Dad bitched about the cost.”
“Maybe…maybe if you talked to her now, you would remember something.”
“Why would I want to remember any of that?” I press against him, inhaling his scent. “It’s over and done with. Remembering it doesn’t make any difference.”
“Maybe it would,” Deklan says softly. “Maybe if you remembered it, things would be different.”
“I’m okay with how things are now.”
“Are you?”
“Yes.” I tilt my head up to kiss his cheek. “I like being here with you.”
“I like it, too. I thought i
t would be difficult learning to live with someone after being on my own for so long, but it’s nice having someone to come home to.”
“You just like my cooking.” I giggle.
“I do like your cooking, and that’s no joke.” He brushes his lips over mine. “I also like taking you to my bed at night. I like watching your eyes roll back in your head when you come.”
“They do not!”
“Oh yeah,” he says, “they do. That’s how I know I got just the right spot.”
I glare at him, and he kisses me gently.
“It’s more than the cooking and the sex,” he says softly as he runs his hand from my shoulder to my wrist. He wraps his fingers around my arm and rubs the skin with his thumb. “I like you just…just being here. I like talking to you.”
“I like being around you, too.”
Deklan stares at me for a long moment before he speaks again.
“I don’t remember my parents well, but they were good people. They were good to me, and I loved them. They loved each other. I want to remember what that was like, so that I can give that to you, too.”
Chapter 18
“Think you’ve got it?” Terry asks as I poke at the iPad screen to navigate the cash register app.