“Warren is looking for anything to use against me at this point,” Deklan says as he shovels another plastic forkful of lasagna into his mouth. “I’m gonna have to be a little more careful. I can’t have Grange turning up dead now.”
“Can’t you just…just get rid of the body?”
“It’s not that easy.” Deklan eyes me with a grim half smile. “Eventually, they get found, and there’s always some kind of trace evidence if you know where to look. It’s better to have the body found and have an alibi or someone else to blame it on. Now that people have identified us as having an argument, I’ll be the prime suspect.”
“Like with Brian and the pimp,” I say. “You left the evidence but made sure you had an alibi.”
“Exactly. Once they have evidence to point toward one person, they have a hard time looking past that. Even if they find something that links another person, getting a conviction becomes impossible, even with an attorney who sucks. All you have to do is point out the inconsistent evidence, and you got your reasonable doubt.”
“So will you plan something like that again?” It feels strange to be talking about such things so casually.
“Depends on him,” Deklan says with a shrug. “If he talks, and the information checks out, he could be more useful alive. I don’t know at this point. If I find out he was planning on hurting you…”
Deklan grits his teeth. A moment later, the plastic fork snaps in half, and I fetch him another one.
“I shouldn’t be telling you all of this,” Deklan mumbles.
“I’m glad you are.” I reach over and touch the back of his hand. “I need to know, Deklan. It’s keeping me in the dark that makes everything dangerous.”
“You scare the shit out of me.” Deklan shakes his head slowly as he tosses the fork onto the plate and leans back. “Do you know that?”
“I don’t think I’m that big of a threat to you.”
“Oh, how wrong you are. You are the biggest threat I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Why do you say that?”
“The job is the only thing I’ve cared about since I was a teenager. I’ve worked for the Foley family, done a lot of their dirty work, and made sure they were protected. Nothing else mattered to me…not until you.”
“And that’s bad?”
“If anyone understood how I feel about you, they could use it against me.” Deklan turns his hand over and interlocks our fingers. “It makes me vulnerable.”
“Because someone could get to you through me.”
“That’s part of it, yes.”
“What else?”
Deklan pauses and stares down at his empty plate. After a moment, he pushes himself off the floor and starts to pace.
“I’ve never had to…had to balance before.” Deklan runs his fingers through his hair. “Anything and everything I did had a single focus—Fergus Foley. Now, everything is different.”
“Because of me.”
“Not entirely,” Deklan says, “but yeah, it’s mostly you.”
I look away from him as my chest tightens. I can feel pressure behind my eyes, and I take a few deep breaths to make it stop.
Deklan turns on his heel and quickly makes his way to me. He shoves the paper plates out of the way, drops to his knees front of me, and takes my hands in his.
“And I wouldn’t trade that for anything,” he says. “It just means I have some adjustments to make in my thinking.”
“What kind of adjustments?”
“I can usually think calmly about things,” Deklan says. “I can rationalize and figure out the best course of action without a lot of emotion, but when it comes to you…well, I just can’t think clearly.”
I stare into his eyes, trying to read his expression. He’s not angry—I can see that—but he doesn’t seem happy, either.