“Sorry, sweetheart. I need a shower. It’s not polite to have a girl’s cream on your cock when you’re expecting someone else.”
“What? Why are you doing this?”
Halfway through the doorway, I turned and looked back. It was hard to keep my expression blank when I saw the tears in her eyes, but I reminded myself I was doing this for her. “Last night was fun, but it took for-fucking-ever for you to get me off. I need someone who knows what she’s doing. You can stick around and watch if you want, maybe learn a few things. If you do, we can try this again tonight.”
She jerked up out of bed, her face pale, her eyes blazing. “How can you say that to me? I thought… I just… I don’t understand,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
I hardened my heart, forcing myself to meet her gaze. “Plain and simple, Jos. You’re not what I want. The only reason I brought you home with me last night was because you were pissing me the fuck off. It took everything in me to even nut off last night. You can’t satisfy me. You’re too green, and I need women with experience.”
“You sonofabitch!” she cried. “You weren’t saying that last night when you kept telling me you didn’t want to come too fast. That you wanted it to last.”
I shrugged. “I just said that so you wouldn’t feel bad that I wasn’t getting off.”
Tears filled her eyes, but she picked up the first thing she could get her hands on—my alarm clock—and threw it at my head. I ducked backward just as it crashed into the doorframe and exploded into three large pieces.
“I thought last night was special, you motherfucking asshole!” she screamed, picking up something else to throw. She picked up an empty beer bottle I’d left there recently. I ducked down, and it hit the hall wall, shattering at my feet. “I love your dumb ass
, and you’re treating me like this? Do you even like me, you goddamn prick?”
“You’re cute, but spoiled,” I told her, hating myself for doing this to her. “All you want is your own way, and I gave it to you after you shook your ass at me all week. Why are you throwing a tantrum after getting what you wanted, Jos?”
“What I wanted?” she repeated, the tears falling unchecked from her eyes. “You think this was what I wanted? For you to fuck me all night and then break my heart the next morning?”
“Sorry if I’m breaking your heart,” I told her. “I thought you knew the score. This is why I don’t get involved with anyone younger than me. You young chicks get too clingy. It’s just about sex, sweetheart. No offense, babe, but no experience and following a guy around like a lost puppy is a huge turn-off for me.”
I’m so fucking sorry. I want you. I love you. I fucking need you. Don’t hate me. Don’t leave me.
But I didn’t speak those words aloud, didn’t let her see them as they roared through my head. I stood there, my heart racing as she rushed to get dressed and then stomped out of my bedroom.
As she passed me, she stopped, her hand flying out and slapping me hard across the face. I didn’t even flinch, just welcomed the pain. It couldn’t equal the pain I was inflicting on her—as well as myself.
“You’re such a fucking coward, Tanner Reid. I don’t know what I saw in you that made me love you, but as soon as I find out, I’m burning it out of my system.”
Chapter 11
Tanner
Present Day
Jos shifted in her sleep, her brows puckered. I traced my index finger over them, and she sighed again, leaning forward into my touch.
“Reid,” she breathed. “Reid?” She jerked upright, looking around the room dazedly. “Reid?”
“Sorry, sweetheart. I’m the only Reid present.”
She squeezed the back of her neck with one hand as she fell back against the plastic chair she was sitting in. “I couldn’t find him,” she muttered. “No one could tell me where he was.”
My gut clenched. “You named our son Reid?”
“It was the only way I thought he would ever have your last name,” she said, her shoulders lifting in a small shrug.
I was glad the head of the bed was lifted so I didn’t have to look up at her. It seemed surreal just to be talking to her. That we were discussing her son—our son—blew my mind. I’d never thought about having kids. Lexa, Max, and whatever kids Matt ended up having could carry on our last name.
I was a father.
I was responsible for a little life I didn’t even know existed.
Maybe I should have been pissed Jos kept him from me, but considering how badly I’d treated her that last morning, I was pretty sure I deserved it.