“No, I heard that.” She waved her hands. “The other part. The…threesome. Are you saying you and Cannon…? That you both fucked her?”
Ah, fuck.
“You said Kayla told you,” I rasped out.
“She said Dana had a past with you. Not with you and my brother together.” She closed her eyes, but not before I’d seen the tears filling her baby blues. “Were you even going to tell me?”
“Not if I could help it,” I muttered, but I wanted to be honest. Keeping shit from her so far had proved to be foolishly stupid. “I didn’t want you to know about the fucked-up shit I’d done in the past.”
“But she lives right down the hall. Don’t you think I should have known that you and she…with my brother.” Her face turned green for a second before it quickly paled again. “And you were just going to keep it from me. You weren’t going to say a single word about anything. Not Dana. Not Cannon moving in here. Not…that.” She shuddered and turned away from me. “You were just going to sweep me off to Mexico and pretend like everything was perfect. Then I would have been gone for another four days before I got back from Chicago.”
“I would have told you,” I made an effort to assure her even as the guilt tried to choke me again. I had wanted to wait as long as possible before telling her about Cannon moving in.
“Why?” she demanded. “Because by the time I got back, you would have been bored with me like you get bored with every other girl, and it wouldn’t have mattered if I was hurt or angry?”
“No!” I shouted, reaching for her, but she put more distance between us. “It’s not like that, I swear.”
“From where I’m standing, it seems like that’s exactly what it’s like.”
“Shaw, baby, please just listen to me.” I grabbed her around the waist, my fingers biting into her in my desperation to keep her close. “I was going to tell you about Cannon moving in. And I probably would have ended up telling you about Dana. Maybe not about the threesome, but the guilt would have made me tell you that I’d been involved with her in the past. It was already killing me that I was holding everything back. I wanted to tell you last night, but I was scared.”
“I get that,” she whispered. “I understand that kind of fear. But mine was starting to fade. I thought… I thought you were different. That I could trust you with my heart after all.”
“You can,” I promised her vehemently. “I will never hurt you, Shaw.”
“Too late.” Jerking away from me, she walked out of the kitchen.
Fear like I’d never felt before kept me rooted to the spot for a moment before I heard her keys rattle. That sound kicked my ass into gear, and I ran, catching her before she could reach the front door. “Baby.” My arms locked around her waist, holding her back pressed against my front as I kissed her neck. “Don’t leave. Please, give me a chance to fix this. I know I fucked up, but I can make it up to you.”
“How?” she cried. “How do you make this pain in my heart go away, Jagger? I-I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I gave you the opportunity to tell me, and you proved to me that I was stupid to even think we had a chance of making this work.”
“No, no, no.” I blinked back the sting of tears, trying to keep my shit together long enough to fix everything. “I’m sorry. I’ll fix this. I’ll do better. I love you, baby. Please don’t leave me.”
She jolted as if she’d just taken a physical blow. “Let me go, Jags.”
“I can’t,” I choked out through a tight throat. “If I release you, you’ll run.”
“Let me go,” she whispered.
“No!” I yelled, my fear making me angry. I wasn’t used to being scared. I’d never had a reason to feel it. Not until right that moment. I tightened my arms around her, my mind scrambling to find a way to mend what I’d broken and coming up with nothing. “This is ridiculous, Shaw. You just said you weren’t going to hold my past against me.”
“This isn’t about your past! It’s about you keeping things from me and you picking Cannon over me. Time and time again, you pick him.” She struggled against me, but I was fighting for my life—our life. If I let her go now, it would mean having to let go of our future.
“I didn’t pick him. He was blackmailing me,” I tried to explain.
“Dress it up however you want,” she retorted, going completely still in my arms. “Tell yourself whatever story you need to in order to sleep at night. But you picked him over me, Jagger. Instead of manning up and just explaining your history with Dana, you picked him over me because you wouldn’t tell me the truth.”
“No.”
“Yes. It’s how it’s always been with you two. I was stupid to think it would change.”
“Damn it, Shaw. I know I messed up, but you’re allowing your fear to blow this out of proportion.”
She gasped and turned in my arms. “Don’t turn this around on me.”
“Admit it.” I cupped her face, my gut tying itself into knots at the tears spilling from her blue eyes. “Yes, I fucked up. But you’re so terrified of falling into that same black pit Violet fell into, that you’re looking for any excuse to run away.”
Her eyes darkened. “You’re right. I am terrified.” She shoved me back, and I had no choice but to release my tight hold or risk hurting her. She turned for the door. “Thanks for proving to me I had a reason to be.”