I jerked back from him. “You don’t know anything about me now, Lyric. I’ve changed since your brother cheated on me. I’m a different girl now.”
“No,” he denied, his eyes turning hazel with pain. “You’re the same Violet deep down. You’re just in pain, and you’re trying to protect yourself, so you refuse to let her free. You’re hiding behind the girl I’m looking at right now. The one who says fuck the world and everyone else, so our sweet little Vi can hide from how badly she just wants to curl up and cry.”
I hated that he was right, and I hated that I was still crying even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. “I…” I fought back a sob. “I’m so tired.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I know, sweetheart. It’s okay. You can rest now.”
But this kind of tiredness wasn’t going to go away with rest. It went all the way to my soul. I could have slept a hundred years and still woken up exhausted. I knew because I found myself sleeping all the time. During and after school. I didn’t hang out with anyone except to go to stupid parties because all I did was sleep. And it didn’t help. I was still so exhausted, it was a chore to just keep my eyes open most of the time.
I didn’t argue with him, though. He didn’t understand, and I wasn’t sure I was even able to make sense if I tried to explain it. Instead, I let him put me in his car and drive me home. Along the way, he went through a drive-thru to get me food and coffee in an attempt to sober me up.
“You’ve lost weight,” he grumbled as he stuffed a fry in his mouth while he drove toward Santa Monica.
“Is that why you got me the extra-large fries?” I shoved a few into my own mouth, not caring that I was chewing with my mouth open. This was Lyric I was with, after all. I didn’t have to have manners with him because he sure as hell didn’t have any when he wasn’t with any of the parents.
“Look,” he said as he shifted lanes. “All I’m going to say about all this drinking you’re doing is this.” He glanced at me for a moment to make sure I was paying attention and then focused on the road again. “Uncle Drake started drinking hard-core at a really young age, from what I’ve heard. Look what happened with him, Vi. He destroyed his liver, and your dad had to donate part of his own to save him. Do you want that to happen to you?”
“I only drink at parties,” I excused. “Not every day.”
“For now. That could change. I don’t want you to start having a problem.” He blew out a heavy exhale. “And what’s with you and Stephen? If I hadn’t stepped in the way, it looked like you two were about to be all over each other.”
“Why does it matter?” I asked before taking a huge bite of my burger.
“Because I care about you. I don’t want to see you get into trouble, Vi. You were drunk, and I’m not confident you would have remembered to make a guy protect you.” He grimaced. “I know you’re not on the pill or anything. Luca told me that a while back. Not to mention, Stephen is my roommate. I don’t want to have to kick his ass for touching you.”
“It’s not really any of your business if I want to have sex with a hundred guys or not, Ric. So, you worry about yourself, and I’ll do the same.” I chewed angrily at another few fries, glaring out the passenger side window. It was dark out, and the moon was absent. The clock on the dash said it was just after midnight, which meant I was already late for curfew. I was going to be grounded, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. It took too much energy, and I had none to spare.
“I’m not judging you, Violet. I’m fucking worried about you. I’ve seen the Insta pictures of you at other parties. Drunk and in the lap of some guy who doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.” He caught my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I know it’s to hurt Luca, but are you really making yourself feel any better doing that shit?”
“Like I said, mind your own business, Lyric.”
“You’re fucking making it my business,” he exploded. “Showing up to a damn college party. Drinking. Nearly ending up in the lap of my roommate. I care about you, Violet. You’re like a sister to me, and I love you. It hurts me to see you like this, and all I want is for you to be okay.”
“Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not okay!” I snapped. Tossing my half-eaten food back into the paper bag, I fought back my tears. “I don’t know how to be okay anymore. I…” A sob broke free, and I lost hold of my control. “I’m lost and I’m exhausted and everything hurts. And as much as I want to, I can’t find my way out of this.”
Chapter 29
Luca
My hands shook as I scrolled through all my social media feeds, dreading what I would find but unable not to look. It was Saturday night, so I knew Violet was out. Like always, she hadn’t replied to any of my texts, and the single voice mail I’d left earlier in the day hadn’t been returned. I’d know she wouldn’t call back; she never did.
But I still had to try.
I still had to let her know how sorry I was, how much I loved her, and how fucking much I missed her. She didn’t want to hear any of that, but I needed to tell her regardless.
It had been a hell of a day. I’d woken up to Megan’s mother texting me that she’d lost the baby the day before. Megan wasn’t allowed to text me because she’d gotten more and more unhinged lately, to the point that I couldn’t leave the dorm without her there.
Some days, she was manically happy, and she would throw her arms around me and talk a mile a minute. I would tell her to get lost, and she would laugh almost hysterically, as if I’d said the funniest thing in the world. Other days, she would ambush me as soon as I stepped outside, so angry it was like she was possessed or something. I would tell her to leave me alone on those days too, but instead of the psychotic laugh, I would get physically attacked.
There was no in-between. And after the last time she’d gone off on me, leaving my face scratched up from her nails when I couldn’t get away from her fast enough, Aunt Emmie had gotten a restraining order against her for me.
Since then, all communications we had regarding her pregnancy were through her mother, who had made Megan return home once she’d realized how unstable her daughter was. That had made my life a little less stressful, because even with the restraining order, I’d still seen Megan all over campus. She seemed to know exactly how far five hundred feet was just by eyeballing it, because campus security and the local cops couldn’t do anything to her the two times I’d called them because of it.
She’d basically been stalking me up until her parents had shown up and told her she was going home.
Once Mrs. Hawthorn told me Megan had miscarried, I’d felt an instant wave of relief. It was over. I didn’t have to deal with her anymore. But then I’d felt a moment of guilt. I didn’t wish a miscarriage on any woman. I was just so damn glad not to have to raise a kid with someone I didn’t like, let alone love.
By five in the morning, I was still wide awake, lying in my bed sweeping t