“Because it wasn’t your business,” I muttered and went into my closet to change into sleep clothes before walking into the bathroom to wash the makeup off my face and brush my teeth. I took my time, hoping he would leave. I didn’t want to get into this.
When I came out, Gray was still where I had left him, having made himself a little more comfortable, looking as if he weren’t planning on leaving any time soon—or at all.
“Look, Gray, I’m tired. All I want to do is go to sleep.”
Hurt flashed in his sand-colored eyes. “You used to want to fall asleep beside me, Kassa.”
“Well, I don’t tonight.” I couldn’t do that with him anymore, not after what had happened between us. Not when it was still fucking with my head.
He pushed to his feet and stood in front of me, looking down at me in a way that made me think he could see all the way inside me. “I thought things were going back to normal for us, Kas. I thought you were letting what happened go.”
“I did—am,” I amended when he kept staring down at me. “I am putting it behind me. It’s just hard, okay? You don’t realize how hard it is for me to go from what we did—to just being friends again.”
He caught my hands and pulled them both to his chest, right over his heart. I could feel how erratic his heart was beating, and when he bent his knees so that we were at eye level, I melted for him. “Baby, I know how hard it is. Trust me, because it is just as hard for me.”
“I-it is?” I whispered and licked my suddenly dry lips.
“Fuck yes, baby. It has been driving me crazy because all I think about is how good your lips taste. How wet and tight you were for me.” His lashes lowered, but not before I saw the hunger shining out of them like a beacon. “I dream of you, little caterpillar. Every damn night, you spread your legs for me and I can’t say no. But then I wake up and remember it was just a dream. A dream is all it can ever be, though, because what we have is too precious to ruin with sex. What we have, it’s everything to me Kassa. Everything.”
His honesty wrecked me. Every word that left his mouth spun my heart into a whirlwind that took my breath away. A tear spilled over my lashes, and he pulled me into him for a tight hug, his hands stroking up and down my spine as he pressed his lips to my temple.
“Please, don’t take that away from me, Kassa.”
“I won’t,” I whispered into his chest, hugging him close as I shut my eyes. “Not ever.”
TWENTY ONE
Kassa
I picked my towel up and wiped the sweat on my face and my neck away before taking a thirsty swallow from my water bottle. The gym was crowded, but I wa
s getting used to that and kind of liked it. The more people there, the less noticeable I felt, as if I could get lost in the crowd and just get my workout in without anyone bothering me.
On the treadmill beside me, Gray was still going strong, and I waved my hand at him to get his attention and let him know I was going to head over to the stair climber. In the past few weeks, we had gotten into a daily routine. We worked out for a few hours and then grabbed lunch before going our separate ways for the rest of the afternoon. Then we typically met up with a group at First Bass or somewhere for dinner.
The best part, in my opinion, was at the end of the day, when we were home again and getting ready for bed. He would shower in his own room and then climb into bed with me. It was hard to store away my feelings for him when he was in bed beside me all night long, but I was starting to get use to keeping what I felt separate from what Gray was able to give me. All in all, I was happy to have that little part of him.
Which probably made me pathetic, but it was my life, so what anyone else might have thought didn’t matter to me.
Gray gave me a nod, not once breaking stride as he continued his run on the treadmill, but I felt his eyes on me as I stepped onto the stair climber and hit start. I put in my wireless earbuds and let my playlist get me energized to finish up the workout. I was meeting my friends for lunch later, so I was cutting my workout in half for the day.
Twenty minutes later, soaked in sweat and ready for a shower, I grabbed my towel and my water bottle and found Gray lifting weights. As I approached him, several of the other guys gave me interested smiles. I waved at them, which had Gray’s eyes narrowing on me.
“Finished already?” he asked as he set his weights down and moved to stand in front of me so none of the other guys could see me.
“I’m meeting Kin and Lucy for lunch with Angie and Carolina,” I reminded him for the third time that morning.
“Just you girls, right?”
I shrugged. “I think Caleb is coming too.”
“Kin’s stepbrother is going to be there?”
“Maybe?” I used my towel to wipe the sweat on his brow. “I’m going to shower and grab a cab to the restaurant.”
“No, you’re not.”
I blinked up at him at his hard tone. “Um, yes, I am. I told you the plan last night and again when we got here. And I wasn’t asking your permission anyway.”