Tainted Forever (Tainted Knights 5)

Motherfucker.

The guy from the club the other night.

“What is he doing calling you, Kin?”

She lifted a shoulder. “He probably heard the news that Lucy was in labor and was calling to ask about her. Or he just wanted to talk. Or maybe he wants me to have dinner with him. I don’t know. I’m too tired to find out.”

“The fuck you say.” I grabbed her phone, punched in her passcode that I knew just as easily as I knew my own, and pulled up the guy’s details.

Before I could block him, Kin snatched the phone out of my hands. “Excuse you,” she bit out. “What are you doing?”

“Blocking that motherfucker.”

“I don’t want him blocked,” she told me with a glare, putting the phone into her back pocket and out of my reach. “He’s a nice guy.”

“How did he get your number?”

“I’m assuming from Scott,” she said with another casual shrug, eating her sandwich once more. “That is the only way I could think he got it.”

“How long have you two been talking?” I felt like I was going to puke, so I picked up my drink and started chugging it instead of sipping it through the straw.

“A few days.” She sighed when she looked up at my face. “Jace, it’s really none of your business.”

“I don’t want you talking to him, Kin. I saw the way you were fucking looking at him the other night.” I put down my cup and scrubbed my hands through my hair. “Let’s work this shit out between us. Come back to me. I miss you so damn much, baby. I know you miss me too. It’s written all over your beautiful face.”

Her sandwich landed on the tray with a thump, and she pushed it across the table toward me. “I do miss you,” she confessed in a quiet voice. “But you know what I don’t miss?” I held my breath, afraid of what she was about to say. “Waking up in the middle of the night to you texting some area code I didn’t recognize because you didn’t program her name into your phone. I don’t miss you lying to me when I ask who you’re talking to, or why you had a new lock code on your phone, or you getting a call and walking away from me. I don’t miss wondering what the fuck you’re doing because you’re late to pick me up, or for dinner, or you completely cancel plans. I don’t miss crying myself to sleep because I thought you were cheating on me. All of it was for Eden, I know that now. You didn’t cheat, but I sure as hell thought you were. And I don’t miss those times at all.”

“Baby, I’m sorry,” I groaned, reaching for her hand, and was surprised when she let me touch her. I lifted her fingers, kissing each one. “That’s over now. Eden and I barely even talk now that she’s busy with the baby and her husband.”

“I didn’t want you to stop talking to your sister, Jace. I just wanted you to include me.” The pain in her voice was sharp enough to cut through me. It melted through my flesh and bone, embedding itself in my soul.

“I didn’t stop talking to her because of you. I’ve been so fucked up from our breakup that I haven’t been coherent half the time. It was her choice to back away from me, and I can’t really blame her. I wouldn’t want my crazy ass around any little kids with how I’ve been lately.”

“Yeah, I get that. I was pretty messed up myself. Poor Amara had to deal with me all on her own.” Her lips twisted, and we shared a small smile.

I kissed her palm. “Take me back, Kin,” I whispered the plea, but she flinched as if I’d shouted it at her.

“I can’t.”

Tears burned my throat, filled my eyes. “Wh-Why not?” I choked out.

“Because nothing is resolved, Jace. You’re sorry? Yeah, I understand that. I even forgive most of it. You’re making promises not to do any of that stuff again, to include me? I don’t believe you.” She pulled her hand free from my slackened grip. “All I’ve ever wanted was to come first with you. And you’ve never done that. You never will. And I can’t go through the rest of my life being in the background, always second and third and sometimes even fourth in line for your love and loyalty.”

The tears broke free, and I sat there, staring at her as they poured down my face. “Kin, it’s not like that,” I half sobbed.

“It’s exactly like that,” she said, her voice so full of sadness, it broke my heart all over again. “You don’t even know how to put me first.”

“I was only trying to protect Kassa,” I tried to explain again, but she was shaking her head.

“And you pushed me right out.” She swallowed hard. “I know you love your sister. She loves you too. But don’t you understand that if it came down to protecting you and protecting Gray, she would pick him every time? Don’t you understand that I would never make you choose, but that you should want to put me first, regardless?”

“It’s just been her and me for most of my life,” I whispered. “Of course, I’m going to worry about her.”

&n

bsp; She balled her hands into fists. “I’m not saying I don’t want you to protect your sister, Jace. Fuck. You don’t even understand what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Then dumb it down, goddamn it,” I exploded. “Tell me what I have to do to get you back.”