The Testing (The Testing 1)

“I don’t understand,” I whisper. But I do. Raffe is dragging Damone to the ravine. If Damone isn’t dead now, he will be when he hits the bottom. “We can’t kill him.”

Raffe stops at the edge of the crevice. “If we don’t, we’ll both suffer the consequences. I’m willing to face Professor Holt if you are. Your choice.” He puts his foot on Damone’s back and waits.

My choice. Save Damone or myself. Kill or be killed.

I wish Tomas were here to help me make this choice. I know the one I should make. All my life I’ve been taught to respect each and every life. To do whatever is necessary to preserve it.

Moonlight glistens off the blood on my hands. I picture myself running inside. Calling for a doctor. Following the teachings my parents instilled in me.

But I don’t. I tell myself Damone has lost too much blood to be helped. That no matter the choice I make, he will die. Both are true. But I know in my heart the real reason behind my choice. Choosing to attempt to save Damone’s life means ending my own.

I look out into the darkness, willing Tomas to step from the shadows. When he doesn’t, I take a deep breath, swallow the bile building in my throat, and nod.

That one movement is all it takes. Raffe puts his arms under Damone and rolls Damone onto his back. Someone lets out a low groan. Raffe from exertion? Damone from pain? Before I can find out, Raffe gives one final push, and Damone’s body plunges over the edge.

I can’t breathe. Bending over, I put my hands on my legs and force air in and out of my lungs. Without missing a beat, Raffe walks back across the grass, grabs the bat, and drops it into the emptiness below. “Okay. Let’s get going.”

There is no guilt in his voice. No concern for the life he has just taken. None of the tears that make my body tremble and my eyes burn.

“Cia. We have to go.” He grabs my arm and pulls me toward the shed. “We don’t want to be out here if someone inside starts wondering what the shouting was that woke them up. If we don’t want to get caught, we have to get out of here now.”

I flinch at the icy tone of Raffe’s voice. Nausea rocks my stomach. A knife slick with blood is clutched in my hand. A body lies broken at the bottom of the ravine. Raffe appears unfazed as he picks my bike off the shed floor and wheels it out to me. A moment later, he returns with one of his own.

“Where are we going?”

“You’re not going anywhere with him.”

Tomas.

I turn and see him step out of the darkness into a patch of moonlight. His face is filled with worry and rage as he looks from me to the knife in my hands to Raffe.

“I should have figured you’d turn up.” Raffe takes a step toward Tomas. “Did you and Cia plan to meet tonight, or did the two of you figure out some kind of emergency contact method?” When neither of us answers, Raffe shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. Cia didn’t need you to come to her rescue. She saved herself from Damone. The two of us were just about to head out. Do you want to come with us?”

Tomas stiffens at the implication that Raffe and I planned to go somewhere together without informing him. I start to explain, but realize this isn’t the time or place. The longer we stand here talking, the greater chance there is of someone hearing us. If someone finds us here, they will see the knife and the blood that stains my hands. They will know what I have done. All of us will pay the penalty for my crime. I will not allow that to happen.

Sliding the knife into my bag, I take a step toward Tomas. “Look.” The word scrapes my swollen throat. “We have to get out of here now.”

“I’m ready when you are.” Raffe sets down his bike, heads back to the outbuilding, and returns with another. “This was Damone’s. I don’t think he’ll mind if you use it, Tomas. Now, if both of you are ready, I think we should get moving.”

I look toward the edge where Damone lost his life, feel the throb of my throat where his hands tried to end mine, and climb onto my bicycle. Tomas does the same, but refuses to look at me as we begin to pedal.

Both Tomas and Raffe let me take the lead as we ride across campus. I push my legs as fast as they will go, desperate to leave the sorrow and fear of my actions behind. But there is no forgetting the feeling of my knife puncturing Damone’s flesh or watching his body plunge into the ravine. I want to collapse to the ground and howl with frustration, guilt, and sorrow. But I can’t because there is more at work here than a boy who wanted my success for his own and was willing to do anything to get it. There will be time enough for guilt and recriminations later. Now I have to decide what to do about the boys riding behind me. One I would trust with my life. The other just saved my life, but I do not understand his motivations. I need to if Tomas and I are going to survive this night.

When we are several blocks away from the University’s entrance, I stop and wait for Tomas and Raffe. When they arrive, I ignore the frustration on Tomas’s face and turn to Raffe. “This is as far as we are going to go until you answer some questions. I know why Damone came outside tonight. Why did you?”

“Because I was following you.” Raffe pushes up the sleeve of his jacket. In the moonlight, I can see three angry-looking scars. “You helped me during the Induction, not because you were trying to get ahead but because it was the right thing to do. That made an impression.” He shrugs and rolls down his sleeve. “A couple days after the Induction ended, I heard Griffin and Damone say that if they couldn’t beat you in class, they’d find another way to get rid of you. A few days later, Professor Holt asked Griffin to keep an eye on you. He said she was concerned about your suitability for leadership and wanted Griffin to report any unusual behavior. Griffin asked Damone and me to help him follow you. I drew that duty last weekend.”

My heart skips. “You saw me leave the residence.”

“You were too fast for me to keep up.” He gives a small smile. “This time I was ready. Apparently, so was Damone.”

I shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why not report me to Professor Holt?”

“Because I’m not like Griffin and Damone.” Raffe glances in the direction we came from. “I grew up believing that going to the University and helping revitalize this country were the greatest things a person could do. Two years ago, I started to realize that things weren’t as perfect as my father and his friends claimed. Something happened—”

“What?” Tomas asks.

Raffe shakes his head. “There isn’t time to get into that now. The two of you can either trust me or not, but if we’re going to do whatever it is you planned, we’d better get moving or we’ll never make it back by morning. Unless, of course, you guys don’t plan to go back.”