When I came in, I stood at Jada’s door for a minute and decided not to wake her up. It was after midnight. I decided maybe the way to do it was to be too much of a dismissive asshole to inspire sexual fantasies. Then she’ll stop looking at me with lust and I’d know I had no options to fuck her.
I heard her in the kitchen and didn’t go out, stewed in regrets instead.
And this morning, seeing her as I was about to make my escape to go for a run and think some more, I felt like a dick. And I didn’t do a thing about it, nothing to explain.
I shouldn’t have been such a shithead this morning. I should’ve sat her down and told her I’m in no shape to be a decent human being right now and she deserves that at the very least.
I should’ve.
But I didn’t.
That girl doesn’t know the baggage I’ve got, and I don’t know when all that is gonna be over, if it ever will be. Who wants to start up some long-distance thing with a guy in the middle of a legal fight with the potential mother of his child? A child conceived out of something so ugly.
Yesterday, Sienna called and told me that the stress of my not dropping the charges was making her physically ill. No suggestion from her it might be morning sickness – nope, it was my fault she was sick because she was dreading the court stuff, which was still months away.
I asked her why she wasn’t putting the so-called pregnancy on the table legally, asked her if she’d gone to the doctor yet. She insisted pregnancy tests were reliable enough and she wouldn’t need to go to a doctor until she was at twelve weeks. And then she dared to accuse me of hoping she miscarried.
And I saw red. I saw red and told her to get her shit together and get to the doctor’s to get the ball rolling for a paternity test. I also told her I knew her game – knew she was passing the information around to make sure it’d get to me that people know about her pregnancy, that she was using this as a tool to try to get me to drop the charges without any paternity proof because she figures I’ll worry about the fact that people are talking.
After that call, I immediately went to her social media and saw nothing new, nothing announcing a pregnancy, but I did check her followers list and Taylor Graham was on it under the ‘recently added’ tab. I met Taylor when I was a teenager as she’d been part of Sienna’s crew. Bitch. Bitches, both of them. Clearly they’ve recently reconnected, probably because Sienna knows Taylor lives in New York and wanted to try to get to me any way she could.
So yeah, I’m an asshole. An asshole who doesn’t have the balls to tell Jada that I’m in no way emotionally equipped to be in a relationship. So I let her think I blew off our date last night to have drinks with a friend.
If she’s smart, she’ll write me off, stop looking at me with those big please-fuck-me eyes.
43
Jada
After Austin leaves to go for his run, I decide that I need out of these walls. I do not want to be sitting here like a loser when he gets back.
When I rush into the lobby, I see Andrew’s still here. He’s not in his security uniform, though, and he’s on his way out the door.
He spots me and waits for me outside.
“What are you still doing here?” I ask.
“Day guy called in sick. Took them a few hours to get someone else in. “I offered to do a double, but they frown on paying overtime.” He shrugs. “Where are you off to?”
I thrust my fingers into my hair. “I don’t know.”
He frowns. “Did he ask you to take a walk again? Wait. No, I saw him leave thirty minutes ago.”
I shake my head. “No. He didn’t. I just… I just need some air.”
“I like air. Wanna walk? I know a great coffee spot a few blocks away from here.”
“Yeah, okay. Not sure if I’ll be great company though. I’m in a crummy mood.”
“That’s okay, I’ll cheer you up.”
I walk with him and he jokes around and tries to keep things light, but I’m having trouble focusing on the conversation and he notices and stops.
“That’s not funny?”
“Huh?” I didn’t even hear the joke, was only half paying attention.
“What’s wrong, Jada? Talk to me. Is it that rich prick you work for?”
“Huh?”
“Every time you’re around that guy you’re sad. First time I saw you, bringing his sister and her kids’ stuff to the door you were sitting there like you were hurting. Last night, too, you come back with him and you look upset. Is he an asshole being a dick to you?”