In truth, that wasn’t a life, it was only an existence.
But the woman in his lap was more than existing.
She was warm and soft and smelled good. Really fucking good. It wasn’t perfume or soap or even paint he smelled.
He flared his nostrils and took his time inhaling, deeply filling his lungs with her.
Her mouth parted when she realized what he was doing. Picking up the unmistakable scent of her arousal. Which made him even harder.
A puff of air escaped her open lips when his dick flexed beneath her.
“Girls gone.” He slid the glasses from her face and, without looking, set them on the little table next to his chair. “No man.”
The man in the photo had to be out of the picture if her girls wanted her to date. And if she had another one, she would be saying it loudly and climbing out of his lap.
“Shawn.” The name she thought was his caught in her throat and he followed the rolling movement as she swallowed.
He leaned in and slid his nose up along the length of her neck, breathing her in. He touched the soft, warm skin at the edge of her jaw with the very tip of his tongue and drew it back down. The urge to sink his teeth into her, suck on that delicate skin, was strong but the raging pulse under his tongue helped him keep control.
Her racing heart was either due to her being scared of where this was going, or because she was highly aroused.
The unmistakable sweet, but musky, scent said the second.
But he needed to hear it from her before he took it any further.
“Chelle...” The way he said her name made it clear what he was asking, even without saying the actual words.
The only word needed to be heard would be from her. When she said yes.
He slid his palm from her knee over the stretchy black cotton that encased her thigh to the edge of where the heat radiated from her.
Where he wanted to bury himself deep, surround himself with that searing heat.
“We should keep this to our barter, right? I mean, it could get messy otherwise.”
This. She meant the two of them.
Disappointment surged through him. She was right. “Could get really fuckin’ messy.”
But when the fuck was life neat?
“Messy could be worth it,” was the last thing she said before grabbing his face and taking his mouth.
He figured that was a big fucking yes.
Her lips smashed against his and he waited for them to open, to invite him inside. He drew his tongue over the crease of her mouth, asking for entrance.
Her hands slid from his face into his hair and she gripped it tightly, opening her mouth with a groan. He met hers with one of his own.
His throbbing dick was caught crooked, but he ignored the discomfort, to explore her mouth. She tasted like beer, but then so did he. Her tongue tentatively touched his. Once, twice. Then they tussled.
With one hand on her ass, and the other on her jaw, he deepened the kiss, desperately wanting to flip her over, rip her leggings down and sink deep inside her.
In the place where he wanted to lose himself.
Maybe even find himself, too.
Find himself.
That thought made him break the kiss and pull back. They stared at each other and he wasn’t sure who looked more surprised as they both tried to catch their breath.
“Fuck,” he muttered, scraping a hand down his cheek. “Sorry, I—”
“No, it’s...” She scrambled from his lap and he let her go.
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to slow his barreling thoughts. He wouldn’t be able to get the words out right if he didn’t slow the fuck down. They would all come out a jumbled mess. Then he would sound like a bigger idiot than he was.
“My daughters will be home soon. It’s better that we don’t...”
He opened his eyes in time to see her snag her glasses from the table, shove them back on her face and grab her forgotten beer off the ground. She gripped the bottle so tightly, she appeared to be strangling it.
He unfolded himself from the chair and didn’t give a fuck when she watched him adjust his dick in his jeans.
“So, do you want to get together on Tuesday for your first lesson?” She was a bit breathless, her words wispy.
He didn’t want to push her. All he wanted to do was touch her.
And never stop.
He wouldn’t be satisfied until he committed every fucking inch of her to memory.
Until he recognized her taste, her scent.
Until he heard her voice in his dreams.
Dreams to drown out the nightmares.
He needed to leave now.
To let her go.
Stick to their deal and come back Tuesday. He could spend more time with her then.
Only problem was, he wanted to spend more time with her now. Before she knew the hard truth. When she discovered she wouldn’t be able to teach him. That he was incapable of learning something so simple. Which was to read and write words.