She hoped he was similarly successful this year. The extra work would be a welcome diversion. Also, she’d get to visit with him for a little bit at the drop off. See for herself that he was safe and hadn’t been mauled by a bear or something.
She didn’t like these solo hunting trips of his. She’d rather become a winter vegetarian than risk losing the only family member she had left. At least in this time period.
Tears sprang to her eyes at that thought, and she gave in to the emotions she only allowed herself when Fenris wasn’t around. Her shoulders shook and sobs racked her body as she remembered that last argument with Myrna and watching the boys walk away into the swirling snow. Olafr and FJ took a chunk of her heart along with them on their journey, and it was never the same.
Fenris didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand. In this time Viking kids set off on adventures all the time. Some of them come back, some of them were never heard from again. There were no social media updates in the Viking age, no postal service even. Occasionally news came from other traders, passing by on ships. But none of the other North Wolf parents felt entitled to know whether the grown children who went off to make their fortune were alive or dead.
She used to find this no-technology time period charming. She’d been so happy to dedicate the rest of her life to the kind of projects she used to do purely for entertainment on her Black Mountain Woman Vlog.
She’d managed to gain a bit of a following online, but she’d been an anomaly in her 21st century wolf town just a few miles outside of Denver. Even Rafe, her best friend and fiancé, hadn’t understood why she’d insisted on sewing all her own clothes by hand and cooking every meal from scratch with meat from chickens she’d raised and vegetables and herbs from her garden.
For most of her life in her original time period, she’d been something either watched for entertainment purposes or tolerated by other wolves. And she knew Rafe had only been indulging her little hobby until she went into heat.
“No way she’s going to be able to keep all this up after we have kids,” he’d insisted to their friends.
But then Fenris landed outside their kingdom town’s time portal and everything changed.
The Viking wolf didn’t just tolerate her strange talent set. “It was as if the Fenrir wolf designed you for me. You were fated not only to be my mate, but also to live in this time with me,” he’d insisted after he tricked her into returning to the Viking age.
And she’d believed him. For decades she’d lived in a happy ending filled with laughter, family, and a never-ending series of DIY projects.
But now….
Now she cried inconsolably whenever Fenris wasn’t there to see.
She’d taught him the concept of loving and open communication toward the beginning of their relationship. And they’d exchanged solemn vows about always using it with each other.
She wished she could have kept that vow. She wished she could have continued to be the mate a warrior king like him deserved. But how could she communicate with him about how she’d been feeling in the years since they lost all of their children?
Sorry, honey. I know you think this is enough, but I’m so sad, every morning it feels like I’m waking up to a nightmare. How could she tell him that she was so depressed, or that it felt like her life was over, even though he was still here? She could barely keep all the despair from radiating over their mate bond.
She shouldn’t have screamed at the skald the other day. She’d been doing such a good job of keeping it together. But hearing Fenris and the musician talk about their children, like they were stories that had ended too abruptly, instead of real people she missed every day—she hadn’t been able to take it.
Chloe wished more than anything that she hadn’t been so mean to Myrna before they left for their trip. Yes, Myrna had driven her crazy with her tomboy ways, but why hadn’t Chloe ever taken her side when she argued with FJ? She remembered how she insisted to Fenris that women from her time didn’t let themselves get pushed around by Viking bullies. Ha!
After so many years of feeling misunderstood in her own time, what had she gone and done? Treated Myrna the same way because she preferred swordplay with her father to running their longhouse with her.
She should have been nicer. She would have been nicer if she’d known she’d never get the chance to see her again…to say goodbye….
A fresh spate of tears poured from Chloe’s eyes.
However, she abruptly stopped crying when she heard footsteps in the far distance. Fenris was back, earlier than she expected.