Goldie and the Three Wisconsin Bears

They talked like it would be as easy as my tryout for the Wisconsin Bears. All I had to do was play along and keep my mouth shut.

But I’d had misgivings from the start. First of all, I knew what she was running from, and it wasn’t the kind of thing money and cars could solve. Unlike Nico, my ma was still alive. And unlike Mitch, the Wisconsin incarceration system didn’t have anything to do with why she hadn’t seen me in fifteen years.

No, my ma was bitter, and living in the same apartment child services yanked me from. And she still refused to have anything to do with me. Her mind was so broken by that bastard she didn’t even pick up the phone when I made a pro-team.

Goldie wasn’t like Ma. We’d established that. But she was one helluva contradiction. Pliable and game for anything we threw at her. But also skittish with one foot out the door. She reminded me of the cat I used to feed out on the fire escape when I still lived with my parents in Milwaukee.

She’d nibble at your food carefully, but you had to keep still if you wanted to pet her. Any sudden moves and she’d run away. It didn’t matter how good your food was.

I hadn’t liked the situation from the moment we stepped into the kitchen. There were dark circles under Goldie’s eyes, and her skin was ashen. And instead of smiling like she always did and saying hello, she looked nauseated. Like she was trying not to throw up.

Regrets. She had a few. I could see that written clearly across her face. And only one factor had changed between today and all the others when she woke up as sunny as could be. Me.

She wasn’t going to take the deal. I suspected that before Mitch started talking. And I knew it for damn sure when instead of jumping up and down like a Price is Right winner, she ran out of the room.

My gut cramps, and my heart sinks like a stone. I’d fucked it up for Mitch and Nico. Again.

Mitch looks pissed. And Nico, who never did learn to keep his emotions to himself, looks crushed.

But me. I just go after her.

“No, Jeb, don’t!” Nico calls behind me.

He grabs one arm, and Mitch grabs the other, trying to hold me back. “Don’t make things worse.”

I yank my arm away from Nico and shove Mitch into the closest wall. Then I don’t stop again until I come to his door.

I shove it open. Then freeze.

Goldie’s sitting on the edge of the bed. Sobbing.

Fuck, fuck, fuck…

I’m not the one. I’m not the one who’s supposed to deal with this shit. Ever. But something won’t allow me to back off and let Nico take over.

I drop to my knees in front of her. And for the first time in the thirty years I’ve been living on this earth, I apologize to a woman. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I came at you like that. Sorry I scared you. It can be just Nico and Mitch from now on. Take the deal. I won’t be a part of it.”

Her huge brown eyes widen. “You think this is about you?”

I shake my head at her. “I’m the one who was too rough with you…and after everything you told me. I shouldn’t have ever touched you. I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again.”

She grabs on to the wrist of one of the hands I have cupped around her face. But not to push me away.

“No, no, this isn’t about you,” she tells me with tears in her eyes. “It’s about me. I can’t believe I acted like that yesterday. It was like everything he said about me was right. There’s something wrong with me. I’m nothing but a stupid slut.”

A new rage rises inside of me at her words. “Don’t say that. I can’t stand to hear anybody talk about you that way. Even if it’s you.”

And I can easily guess who “he” is. “That sonofabitch was wrong. Everything he did to you was wrong. Everything he said to you was wrong. All we been talking about for the last twenty-six hours was how beautiful you are. How fucking perfect. We never had a woman respond to us like that. We’d pay you double what we agreed if you let us. That’s how amazing we think you are. We want you here. We want you to stay. That’s the only reason we offered you that car, so we could get more time with you. That’s all we want.”

“We weren’t judging you,” Nico says.

He comes to sit down next to her on the bed and slides an arm around her shoulders.

“And for the record, the three of us are big ol’ sluts,” Mitch tells her, sliding an arm around her waist. “If anybody should be judging anybody. It should be you judging us.”