“He’s dead. Truly. My father executed him in front of my brother and me. And his ghost did not linger on this plane. I checked.”
Well, those additional gory details kill my long lost father theory. Darnit!
I peep sideways at Hayato. Maybe his spirit didn’t linger, but I get the sense the ghost in Hayato’s head haunts him most of all. I cover his hand with mine, offering him silent comfort.
He glances at my hand on top of his, and I can almost tell when he decides to accept this simple consoling gesture. Like I said, sex is no problem with us.
But the little intimacies….
Still a work in progress.
Which makes it even harder to keep pushing forward on a subject he clearly doesn’t want to talk about. But I have to. For him. For Jae-Hyun.
“The thing is, love doesn’t quite work the way we think. And some loves are biologically preset. So maybe this an uncle, or another relative you didn’t know you had.”
“Do you know that for sure?” he asks. “Have you ever drawn a sketch that turned out to be a biological relative the person didn’t know?”
“Well…no, not that I know of,” I admit.
“Then this biological love you speak of is only theory,” he says.
He takes his hand back and starts typing again.
“Hayato…” I start.
“The caretaker was killed by my father, as was his wife. That was my father’s way. He never left witnesses. My father would do anything, kill anyone to preserve the Nakamura image. He made sure my brother and I knew this about him. And for a long time, we were both too scared to cross him, until one day we weren’t.”
What had that been like for Hayato to grow up, believing such a cruel man was his father? What had it been like to work for him? To finally stand up to him?
I have so many questions, but Hayato says, “Excuse me. This is a sensitive document. I should work in my original seat.”
With that excuse, Hayato rises and returns to the seat across from me. There are only a few inches of legroom between us, but at that moment, it feels like a gulf. I got too close, and now he’s pulling away. Again.
I clamp my lips and don’t say anything. After all that progress, our dynamic’s back to toxic. But five more days, I remind myself. Five days then I’m returning to the workshop. And that will be that.
I’ve watched my cousin make True Love matches for years now, so I know better than most. Happy endings aren’t guaranteed. Sometimes people refuse to leave their current safe partner. Sometimes they’re in situations where living their best lives with their True Love would be too dangerous. And sometimes people just aren’t willing to change to become the person they need to be to deserve True Love.
A lot of people get married off Krista’s matches. But a lot of people don’t.
Anyway, maybe it’s better this way. We only have five more days, and it’s not like I can stay.
33
Sloop John B
HAYATO
She’s staring out of the plane window now, but somehow it feels like her eyes are still on me as I type on my computer. Or maybe it’s just that my eyes want to be on her. It’s hard to restrict myself to only occasional glances.
I remember how she smiled shyly when I told her I found it hard to deny her.
As if that were a good thing.
It’s not.
I’ve purposefully not put myself in another intimate relationship like the one I had with Satomi for a long time. But she knows everything now.
And finding myself here again…it makes me feel vulnerable. Weak.
No, my father is no longer here to murder her for knowing something that could tarnish the previously immaculate Nakamura name.
But there’s death hanging over the relationship all the same.
She makes me want things.
Like a reason to rush home after work as opposed to going out for drinks with my staff. A steady girlfriend, not an interchangeable beauty. Something outside of a contracted term.
But she’s not making me any promises about staying—just the opposite.
And when I tried to talk with her about why she was so determined to return to the workshop she’d previously wanted to leave, she changed the subject to something I didn’t want to talk about.
This elf…what’s developed between us so fast, in just a matter of days. It scares me. But I don’t want to let her go. Now or after the contracted end days.
So I won’t.
My mind hardens in a familiar way I’ve become used to as plans form in my head.
Get her back to Japan. That’s the most crucial step. Familiar territory. Safe. There I’ll be able to study her as she’s studied me. I’ll figure out what will get her to give up on this inane quest to see her mentor.