Her fingers closed around the base of her throat. “I’m married to Silus, Cain. I can’t abandon my vows.”
He frowned and shook his head. “Don’t be a martyr, Larissa. And don’t pretend with me. I see you. I see him. This is no happy marriage.”
“But it is a marriage.” She could see him searching for a way out, but she couldn’t participate in his plan to run. “He’d find me. And then you’d be in more trouble.”
He scoffed. “Silus only terrorizes small, helpless creatures. He’s no threat to me.” His eyes narrowed. “And if you stood up to him—”
“Don’t. You’ve broken enough laws. Don’t cross lines you can’t uncross.”
She envied male pride, but her envy had no effect on her situation. As a married female, she fulfilled the role her husband dictated, one of submission and God-fearing obedience. Silus’s bloodlines were pure. He had authority in the community and therefore strict expectations of his wife.
Looking back at her brother, she whispered, “He hasn’t broken me yet.”
“He’s not strong enough to break you, Larissa. The minute you think he is, he’s already won.”
Her chest lifted with renewed strength. Losing Cain would weaken her. He was her closest friend and dearest sibling. “You need to fix this, Cain. Don’t let them chase you into the shadows. You’re a male of worth, a male meant to stand in the light.”
“Tell me something, Larissa.”
“Anything.”
“If you were called, would Silus let you go?”
His question surprised her. “He’d have no choice.”
“And what if you had children? Would you still go?”
She prayed for children every morning, and by nightfall she prayed for none. Her thoughts on the subject were torn. Children were innocent, vulnerable. This was no home for the weak.
“Women go feeish, too. Children or not, it would be my duty to follow my calling.”
“What if you could control it?”
She scoffed. “Control a calling from God? You’re speaking nonsense. There’s no controlling something so powerful.”
Something flashed in his eyes.
“Cain, what is it?” He and Adam were twins. Perhaps the timing of their mates would align. “Are you...”
“I’m dreaming, Larissa.”
The unexpected news filled her with equal parts joy and envy. “Oh, Cain, that’s wonderful!” She gripped his arms, but he looked away. “Aren’t you happy?”
“I want to be, but...”
“Is she not one of us? Are there complications finding her?”
“She’s mortal.”
She squeezed his arm. She enjoyed meeting the mortal women. “Does Father know? Grandfather? This will help your case with the Elders.”
“I’ve only told you.” Again his gaze cut away. “And my mate.”
Her eyes widened with surprise. “You’ve already found her?”
“We’ll be bonded by tomorrow morning. Time’s running out and I need to move fast.”
“This is wonderful news, Cain! Why do you sound so solemn? If you’ve found her, you have time. Bond and then there will be a great celebration—”
“I’m leaving, Larissa.” He eased his weight against the wall.
“What? No!”
Lines of worry bracketed his eyes as he lifted his gaze. “I came to say goodbye.”
“For how long?”
“Forever. It's the only way this can work.”
Her smile fell, his words penetrating so deeply she staggered back a step. “How is that the way? You... You need to stay, now more than ever. Your mate will need family.” Her eyes burned and she blinked back the sting of tears “You need family.”
“The Council won’t forgive me. They’ve always favored Adam.”
“That’s not all true! Face them and beg their forgiveness. Blame the calling. Tell them you’re confused and not yourself.” How could he abandon his home, his life? “You can’t leave. Tell them it was only a moment of poor judgment—”
His eyes narrowed. “Poor judgment?”
“Cain, you touched another male’s mate. Imagine if a male put his hands on your female. Annalise belongs to Adam.”
“I have no time for the Council,” he snapped.
“Make time! If you don’t face them soon, they’ll banish you.” Her shoulders sagged. The bleak haze of a gray future already setting over her life. “I know your mate will be your first priority, Cain. But if you leave, I will have no one.”
His gaze softened, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Why don’t you leave, Larissa? He’s one man and there’s a great big world out there.”
“I told you I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
Silus would catch her. It was too risky. Her gaze darted to the stables. The lantern still lit in the distance, but that wasn’t a guarantee of where her husband was. “We shouldn’t be discussing such things. Silus could come back any moment.”
“You hate him.”
“Hate is—”
“You’ll never love him, Larissa. You can lie to the entire community, but at least be honest with yourself.”
No, she could never love a man like Silus. She’d tried, but her husband was not an honorable male. He was cold and cruel and... “Perhaps, if you and Adam have been so blessed, my mate is not far behind.”
He paced to the window. “Blessed? Immortal life is nothing but an eternity of struggles.”