Karen will shake me awake.
“Joanie, you’ve had another nightmare,” she’ll say firmly, lips pressed in a line. “Another bad dream.”
Because my eyes are filled with tears most times. But how can I tell her that these aren’t nightmares, they’re memories of good times that are now gone? The best experiences of my life in the hands of these charismatic, dominating men?
Because they’re ruthless for sure. I was tossed out like the dirty laundry just a couple hours after I left. They gave no quarter. No mercy. There’s no forgiveness.
But it’s all done now, and I don’t want to fixate on the bad. I have a child to think of, and it does no good to speak ill of her fathers. It’s better to remember the good times, and how much I loved them. How much I adored being with them, becoming my one true self in their presence.
These memories will have to last me a lifetime.
Because that’s all I have left.
No more.
Never again.
But I’ll focus on the future. I’ll make sure my daughter wants for nothing, and that she needs for nothing. So gone are my dreams of being a chemist. There’s no way I can go to school while heavily pregnant, or even taking care of a child.
But I haven’t given up. Instead, I’ve turned to freelance writing because it has a flexible schedule. I can take jobs when they come, or turn them down if I’m too busy. Plus, I should be able to put the baby in daycare a few hours a day while scribbling my thoughts onto paper. Actually, it’s the only real option on the table.
“How is this going to work? How are you going to survive?” asked Karen worriedly one day. “Do your folks even know?”
I took a deep breath.
“I’ll be out of your hair when my delivery date comes around,” was my soft voice. “I promise.”
But Karen shook her head.
“It’s not that Joanie. It’s that life is tough for single moms. Don’t you think you should tell the dads? Don’t they deserve to know?”
A lump formed
in my throat. I didn’t know what to think when it came to the six men. Those hot, hard bodies, their blue eyes so intense. But I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t bear facing them and seeing the disdain in their eyes, how little regard they had for me. I couldn’t bear seeing their shock and horror once they realized I was pregnant.
“Get rid of it,” one would spit.
“You did WHAT?” another would ask.
“It’s too late,” the last would say, a dead look in his eyes. “She’s past her first trimester. We’re stuck for life.”
Because that was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want to saddle the alphas with a child they didn’t ask for. A baby who was nothing but a burden, an unwanted extra. After all, how many times did we talk about birth control? How many times did they ask me to go to the doctor to get on the pill? How many times did I dawdle, twiddling my thumbs?
So this was my secret to keep. My greatest burden, and also my great treasure. The child was mine, and I would raise her the best I could, using whatever meager resources on hand.
Money. I needed money. Well, not immediately. The billionaires had paid me plenty, so I was set for the near term. But it wouldn’t last me forever unfortunately. And hunched over at Karen’s small desk, I forced myself to focus. Focus, focus. There was nothing but the story in front of me. The characters. The plot. The emotional development and growth of my heroine.
I was just getting into it when the door swung open with a creak. No worries, we don’t usually lock our doors in the dorms. It’s more of an easy-peasy come and go situation.
“Hey Kar,” I greeted, putting down my pen. “I’ll head to the library now that you’re back. Just give me one sec.”
But my tone disappeared into nothingness. Because it wasn’t Karen at the door. It was my six former lovers, huge and looming. And without a sound, they entered, cramming those massive bodies into the tiny dorm room before shutting the door with a firm click.
“Oh,” I choked. “Oh.”
Oh god, oh god. What should I do now? Instinctively, my body crowded closer to the desk, hiding my bump. I was only showing a little bit, and maybe by keeping my midsection hidden, they’d never know. My hands itched, but I resisted the urge to run them protectively over the curve.
The billionaires took everything in, blue eyes assessing. They didn’t suspect, did they?